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Two Daughters – not exactly what Indian society wants.

September 5, 2006

A brief and true account of my experiences after my second daughter was born.

It all started the day my second daughter was born. It was a lovely day in March, clear, crisp and cool. As I breathed in the fragrant air I felt my cup of joy brimming over. Which only shows how innocent I was to the ways of the world.
The smart starched nurse in the snow-white uniform who was tucking me in said casually, ‘I hope you’re happy dear, you seem to look it,’ she said, as if she were surprised.
‘Sure I am,’ I answered, trying to figure out what she meant.
My gynecologist, a lady with high heels and a sophisticated hair-do added lightly, ‘looks like we are going to have you here again soon… for a third try.’ She laughed.
I knew what she meant but I joined in the smiles, although a trifle weakly. I realised then that giving birth to a second daughter was something special. Only one third of the population managed it and clearly, it didn’t make them popular.
When my parents arrived I noticed that though my father looked happy, he was trying to conceal something. A certain nervousness? My mother ofcourse avoided all eye contact. Or was I going mad with imaginings? Here I was, dying to hug them and shout from the rooftops about how wonderful it was to have a baby..but I remained silent.
I heaved a huge sigh of relief when my friends trooped in. Ah ha! Here come my generation of people, I thought. I can tell them what I really feel. Before I could, I found that they were acting wierdly. Their manner was a little too hearty, and they hardly gave me a chance to talk. And when they thought I was not looking, they threw in my direction strange searching glances.
By the time I went home to my father’s place I had caught on – and was not amused. Everything will return to normal, I told myself miserably.
However the nursemaid who came in to attend to me and the baby dashed those hopes. She was middle-aged with a leathery wrinkled skin and gnarled hands, but she had five sons, she told me proudly.
The world changed. I stopped watching Mahabharat on TV. I stopped chatting with the baby.
My neighbor, a frequent visitor, never ceased to advise me, ‘Beti, you are young. After a couple of years you can try again.’
‘But I like daughters.’ I told her, ‘Even if the next one is a girl I’ll be happy.’
My mouth had opened at last, and as I expected my neighbor was horrified. ‘Three daughters!’, she exclaimed, as it were a fate worse than death.
Seeing me sniff, my mother said, ‘This is normal after delivery.’
Our neighbor nodded wisely, ‘This is not an ordinary shock’.
It was no use trying to convince anyone of the truth. Nobody would have believed me anyways.
A month later it was time to go home. I wanted to leave it all behind, but my flight home was not uneventful. On one side I had a lovely lady whom I could not resist asking, ‘How many children do you have?’
She answered hesistantly, looking terribly embarrassed, as if she had a guilty secret, ‘I have two daughters.’
On the other side of the aisle there was this respectable looking gentleman who had been eyeing both my children for some time. He said, ‘That’s a very good looking baby boy.’
I gave him my brightest smile and said, ‘It’s a girl.’
I had to put up with his sympathy for the rest of the flight.
Words cannot describe my relief at catching sight of the father of my children and his glowing face. At last I could share my true joy, the joy of giving birth to a beautiful daughter.

(Published in the Deccan Herald as a middle)

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59 Comments leave one →
  1. September 9, 2006 5:06 am

    Nita, writers and journalists are usually at loggerheads and I recall one of the originators of Caferati sweepingly discard the latter as a half-educated lot.
    You may be the first person amongst these two different tribes who seems at ease in both the worlds.
    Great.
    I am coming back here regularly to read you. The great attraction is your wonderful ability to make the lazy reader think.
    Amazingly good.
    Cheerz!–>

  2. Alankrita permalink
    March 22, 2008 1:08 am

    Congratulations… I know both your daughters are proud to have you… my parents never wanted more than one child and they had a daughter… dear lord everyone mourned so much for them…..

    Thanks Alankrita! But you I am sure are loved by your parents a lot, so it doesn’t matter what others think! – Nita

  3. Ravi permalink
    March 22, 2008 10:55 am

    Nita

    That was really weird! Not that you have two daughters but the whole bunch of people around you behaving like idiots.

  4. March 23, 2008 6:44 pm

    :)
    the kind of stuff that is funny in hindsight
    over holi friends of mine (guys with a daughter and a son) were giving other couples advice … Have girls , only girls… they are so much easier to bring up !

  5. March 24, 2008 10:00 am

    Aah! And one thought this attitude was a matter of the past. We are just two daughters, my sister and I and my parents were forever questioned and pitied. My parents always replied that they loved having two daughters and stressed that, unlike sons, daughters were easy to look after as they were loyal and affectionate.

    My family is currently going through a little crisis and so I’ve headed back home. When I explain this to people, some of them are like, don’t you have a brother to take care of things. Brother, my foot! I’ve been taking better care of my family than many of my male friends/relatives have of theirs! :-)

    Suchi, your parents must be very proud of you. I too know some grown up girls who are taking care of their parents in every which way they can… it’s a myth that only sons do so. Well, at least in urban areas this seems to be changing. – Nita.

  6. March 24, 2008 12:44 pm

    This makes me so angry!!! I reminds me of the sympathy I received when my first child, a girl was born. I argued but of course it made no difference to their *** thinking.

    Agree, nothing we say will ever convince people that we love girls! So it’s best to ignore them. :) – Nita.

  7. March 24, 2008 11:40 pm

    Oh my! Nita. What a blog you have here! It’s fantastic. I feel like reading everything I can today, but its too late in the night for that now. But on the girl child thing. I somehow think that times are changing. It’s no longer a bad thing to have only daughters. I am an only child, a girl. I have never been made to feel inadequate by anyone within the family or outside. Then again, maybe it’s because I come from a rather liberal, although traditional family…

    Amrutha, thanks. :) I hope you do come back and read and comment. Yes ofcourse you are right, things have improved where acceptance of the girl child is concerned particularly in urban areas and in some communities more than others. In fact nowadays people are even adopting a girl child if they have no children as they feel a girl is somehow ‘safer’ to adopt. Sure, this trend isn’t yet a flood but 10 years ago people wouldn’t come to orphanages asking for a girl, but today they do. India though has still a long way to go…and just disapproval or sympathy (to the birth of a girl) are in fact just very mild reactions to what is happening in many parts of India. – Nita.

  8. March 25, 2008 4:05 pm

    A beautiful and well written post.

    The ending was too touching… which reminds me once again that empowering women alone is not enough, we need all the support of the men folks too.
    ………..
    Words cannot describe my relief at catching sight of the father of my children and his glowing face. At last I could share my true joy, the joy of giving birth to a beautiful daughter.

  9. March 25, 2008 11:11 pm

    :)

    I was so impressed with your writing that I had to link to it on my blog. Your daughters must be really proud of their parents. I wish I could say the same for millions others who didn’t even get a chance to be born. Well, change has started. Time is the ultimate healer.

    Regards

    Thanks Roop. :) – Nita.

  10. March 25, 2008 11:36 pm

    You just have to know what my neighboud had to say when she was well into her second pregnancy. She already had a 4-year-old daughter. I was casually chatting with her one day about her pregnancy and how she was coping etc, when she mentioned this: I hope we have a boy this time; our family would be complete then.

    This, from a woman of our generation; from someone who has lived in the US for about 10 years; was educated, seen the world and runs her own business.

    To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

    When I was pregnant, two women said this to me. They said, it would be nice if you have a boy, your family will be complete. I think these women don’t even realise how regressive and backward they are. – Nita.

  11. May 4, 2008 1:35 pm

    As long as I remember, I always felt shocked when someone said “it would be nice if you have a boy, your family will be complete”. I have heard this line many times from childhood and mostly( read: always) women use this line.

    In very young age, I decided that I will never tolerate this nonsense. And since then I always give a simple example to the woman who suggest (secretly) abortion if coming next is girl, I say, “Well, watch your tongue aunty, you should be glad your mother didn’t think of NOT having a girl when you were born.” I know this sounds rude, but I can’t control myself when it comes to this.

    P.S> Is this your 1st post at wordpress? I will be reading archives from now on. Do keep an eye on my expert remarks :-D

  12. Dhruthi permalink
    May 14, 2008 10:46 pm

    Nita,

    Wow. As has been with all you posts, this one truly sparked a light bulb in my head, but only more. I am a twenty year old girl from Bangalore, and i have one other sibling, a sister. I understand my upbringing now. I understand where my parents are coming from and why i turned out to be this way. I cannot be grateful enough to them for being them. The India that I perceive is “modern” and “open-minded”. Therefore the world i live in currently is the same.
    Thank you for this.

    Dhruti, I am glad that my article had a positive impact on you. Thanks for appreciating. – Nita.

  13. Raghu permalink
    May 22, 2008 8:20 pm

    Hi
    I just stumbled upon your blog by chance, but I find it to the most thoughtful blog I’ve seen in a long time (maybe because I’m a techie!) ;)
    I was deeply moved by your article as I’m about to become a father in the next few days and I don’t know what it is going to be but I’m secretly hoping it will be daughter…but it really doesn’t matter if its a boy or a girl. I understand where you are coming from as I have had people close to me tell me that I was going to have daughter, as per my wife’s symptoms, so be prepared…..and they are already telling me to visit a certain diety so that next time it will be a boy!
    It is certainly a very pathetic feeling that I have about people who think along these lines. No country can move ahead if we refuse to acknowledge the better half of our lives.
    As like you I come from a defence background and things are different there as you would know, as girls are treated better then the boys, but now living in civilian realm does give you a different prospective of life.
    Indeed it is a sad commently on our times but thanks to you for starting a debate on this topic which is so prominent but yet swpt under the carpet, most of the time.

    Raghu, thanks. it always makes me happy when a guy thinks like you! If only our nations was full of men like you…! – Nita.

  14. May 22, 2008 11:10 pm

    Beautifully written article.

    I’m a fan! Love your writing… wish I could read your blog tonight, but its too late

    cheers..:)

  15. May 23, 2008 12:47 pm

    Why no reply to my comment? :-(
    Is it oversmart?

    Suda, it is humanly impossible to reply to every comment. Please read that note on my sidebar. I get huge number of comments on my old posts and only reply to them if I have time on that particular day and at times I don’t bother. I cannot do it, as it is I spend too much time writing. In fact I am even thinking of cutting down on replying to my new posts…its too much for me. – Nita.

    p.s. in fact I saw your other comment only just now. I am sorry.

  16. May 23, 2008 2:26 pm

    Ohh no. Plz don’t say sorry like that,I was not that serious. I just thought of prodding you and giving you some thing to think other than your always serious stuff. :D
    So its ok, maf kiya :-D

    Now I am starting to believe that you have a good sense of humour! :) I mean I wasn’t sure at first! – Nita

  17. rohmen permalink
    June 8, 2008 6:35 pm

    Jeffrey Archer at Landmark bookstore in Mumbai a few weeks back: “The girls are so much smarter than the boys over here”

    The loud applause and cheerful laughter was really heartening to see. I’m sure you have two wonderful wonderful daughters.

  18. joininglate permalink
    July 2, 2008 9:31 am

    Only two solutions–education for both sexes and really abolish dowry, (not just wink and give lip service). only then will the girls be equally valued in our society. i am proud to say we are 4 generations of 2 girls family– frpm my grandmother to mother to myself and my daughters. I think tit is wonderful! an unbroken line of mitochondrial DNA… =)

  19. Yogita permalink
    July 3, 2008 3:43 pm

    I am pregnant with our second child, and hoping its a girl, so that would complete our family! We already have a son. I love girls. My parents have 2 of each, but never loved my brothers more than they loved us, the girls.

  20. July 3, 2008 4:40 pm

    wow!! due to a recent comment on this post I cane to read it. I could have linked it in my post but then I didnt know about it. I also hope i have two daughters. Why cant people mind their own business?

  21. July 9, 2008 4:28 pm

    Hi Nita,

    I am a relative newcomer to the world of blogging having just begun a couple of months back. During this period, I have been trying to read through a lot of Indian blogs and must admit It has been a great experience.

    Today, I came across your blog. It is superb. Please accept my compliments. You most definitely have one more fellow blogger who will be a regular visitor.

    I see this blog (Two Daughters….)was published on 5th Sept 2006 and was surprised as well as happy that it still continues to elicit responses. I just could not resist the temptation of adding my two bits.

    I am a father of two daughters (now in their mid teens) and whilst reading your experiences found myself back in 1994 when my second bundle of joy made her first appearance.

    Before she was born, every one within our social circle went on to predict that we would have a son and this was based on some chinese calendar or whether my wife’s face was round or long or her tummy bump was of a particular shape and so on…..

    The reactions, sympathy, suggestions, “advice” from elders, statements like “Do not lose hope” or “Times have changed – so what if it is a girl” were instantly comical as well as a bit irritating (though well meaning I am sure).

    My wife and I were marveling at the little wonder with little time to think that we had another daughter.

    A decade and half has passed since then and it has been a wonderful journey. I would not trade this for anything else.

    My only grouse is that daughters grow up so fast. (That is not fair)

  22. July 9, 2008 4:53 pm

    Thanks to all who are commenting here. I appreciate it although I haven’t replied to the comments.
    Mavin, Imp’s mom, welcome to my blog and I hope you keep coming.
    Thanks Reema!

    • itsme permalink
      June 8, 2011 3:25 pm

      It was lovely reading this blog of your’s. I could relate to it as I have just had another daughter. My elder one was so Happy to see her lil sis that she has been saying LOVE u mumma , u r the best ..u have bought home what I asked for. My Husband too is equally happy….
      Although I do admit that I have a strange feeling at times and wish I had a son when I listen to the sympathetic comments of people dropping in to meet us.

  23. GuruFromNJ permalink
    August 27, 2008 11:58 pm

    Nita, what a wonderful article, it’s really gives us a kick and tells us to wake ourselves up. The world has gone far ahead of Boy/Girl things and most of the India is still stuck in it. Stuck in the moment.

    I just had a second daughter and I am very proud, It changed my life forever, so much joy in my life already just got doubled. My wife on the other hand was so much expecting a boy because of the ‘peer pressure’ (all of her friends had boy), I had to convince her many times that it really does not make any difference. Infact having a girl is much better because they are much smarter :( , easy to raise and affectionate etc. She was so much expecting a boy, but finally realized and now very happy.

    In India itself the Boys/Girl ratio is, every 1000 boys : 830 girls, In the nation of 1.2 billions, there are 150 Million less girls, so 150 millions have chances are being not having a life mate are gender threatning, it’s a great gender imbalance. So think about it, the chances of your girls rejecting boys and chosing the most appropriate boyfriend/husband are far far more than the boys having to chose the girls. So, after among every 10 boys only 8 might get married. Also the Boys birth ratio in India is much greater than girls, cruel people aborting the female fetuses and many other reasons.

    I live in America, but I was born/raised in India and married an Indian, I love my family, my daughters and I promise that I will educate them and train them so fine that they’ll be the dreams of the remaining Indian boys (I know I am being sarcastic, but I do promise).

    I am a boy and I am not so much proud of that, my sisters took care of my parents than me, they always look after them and my parents love them more. My parents also never differentiated between the girls and the boys, we were all treated/educated same, but I guess finally my sisters won my parents.

    So Nita, thanks so much for the eye opening article and believe me this gender gap will slowly fade away because of these 150 million ‘brideless’ people. LOL

    thanks for your sweet words guru! :) – Nita.

  24. compulsivewriter permalink
    August 28, 2008 10:11 am

    …a very touching account. When I was 4 and my baby sister was born everyone seemed happy, but the so called well wishing aunties couldn’t stop advising her to take a third chance.
    Even the most elitist and well-educated people around us have asked the question, ‘Just two girls?’
    And my mom still continues to reply, ‘yes and i wouldn’t want it any other way!’

    Daughters rock!

  25. September 2, 2008 11:24 pm

    Nita, Just out of curiosity, I wanted to check out your first post ever!

    And this post brought tears to my eyes. My mother has two daughters and she was always given this treatment… Lucky for us, my grand mom, and my dad were jubilant! And were brought up like guys are…

    Now, I also want two daughters Nita. Every time I say that, my mom cries. And blesses me to have a boy. I want girls and that is something I am unable to make her understand. But you know what? I dont blame her!! I dont blame her at all!

    Thank you for sharing this Nova. It’s very moving. So many women internalize the pain. – nita.

  26. September 3, 2008 1:03 pm

    Yes they do… and no one else can understand their pain. You being a woman and in the same situation could… God bless you!

  27. December 10, 2008 12:50 pm

    I envy you, for when I become a mother I hope it will be for a little girl :)
    I cannot understand this obsession with sons either, seems crazy the way some people behave.
    Of late I have been designing my house and was looking into some pointers from vastu. Throughout all my professional experience I haven’t really implemented vastu in my design, but I thought that why not give it a try for the home. I was horrified to read some tips about locating the bedrooms in specific directions, that would prevent girls being born into the family. Needless to say, I am no longer interested in following vastu.

  28. Kanan permalink
    March 7, 2009 3:25 am

    Hi,
    I accidentally read this post. And could not help commenting. I am an only child (that too a girl!) of my parents. My uncle (chacha) has two daughters. We used to live in a joint family so when my youngest cousin was born. I was sent to deliver sweets to neighbors. I was just eleven years old then but I could still guess our neighbors thought my family was crazy celebrating arrival of third girl child in the family. My father joking told me that I should have given extra sweets to those who were shocked to relieve their pain. :)

    But the society’s reaction does not end there. My mother-in-law can probably list 101 reasons my husband should not have married me. But not having a brother tops her chart.

  29. Dee permalink
    May 31, 2009 12:53 am

    Indian society will never change no matter what.First its about the “stigma” of having girls and then the stigma of single women.
    I am the only child and I have looked after my old parents — And I am a woman.
    Oh and let me clarify that I am in the states where people do not interfere or pass judgements on whether a family has girls or boys or when a woman wants to get married.
    Thank God for that!

    • laxmi permalink
      July 24, 2013 3:50 pm

      Actually thr are many families where daughters are taking lead in taking care of thr parents in old age ….. thats very heartening…. more and more girls shd take this forward so that society in general and relatives in particular get some sense and stop going MAD over having BOY….

  30. Rashmi permalink
    August 12, 2009 1:16 pm

    Ohh, i can relate to this story! We are 3 sisters and i have seen my whole family pitying my parent throughout my childhood! I still remember the face my grandmother when she first herd the news from hospital . Few mins ago, she was brimming with joy and anxiety when my mother was taken to labor room. And then the news came in – seeing her aghast expression was the fist shock of my life! I could not fathom why she is not happy when i was dying to see my baby sister!

    All whole childhood incidents and conversations about being a girl, being a liability, all 3 sisters, no one to carry on so-called ‘vansh’ etc. have left permanent scars on my mind! And we are from so-called educated middle-class family…

    All this pity vanished when I became the first girl in my entire family (across all 30-40 cousins) to travel abroad as part of my career assignment. I dont gloat about it at all – but i was happy that my parents no longer have to be ashamed of having only daughters!!!

  31. vasudev permalink
    August 12, 2009 2:35 pm

    firstly, this place looks like nita’s large flat which she just bought.
    secondly, why don’t people prefer a girl-repeat?

  32. September 3, 2009 12:09 pm

    I know the feeling. When we had our second, we were delighted (we had our second baby – a sibling for our 1st – why wouldn’t we be?) but one of my in-laws ‘congratulation’ sounded more like a ‘commisseration’, esp. as it never contained the word ‘congrats’ but went like this: “MJ, think of this second daughter as a blessing; and don’t worry, you will have two boys after this”.

    I didn’t know what to say. As if, if I don’t have two boys “after this”, are my previous two experiences of having children not valid?

    It’s going to take about 3 – 4 more generations before this sort of thinking changes – before our society learns to accept our children for who they are, irrespective of their gender.

    I know you don’t reply to old comments :), and I don’t expect you to reply, but I had to put this one in as this topic is close to my heart!

    Have a good day!

    • September 3, 2009 1:47 pm

      mummyjaan there is no hard and fast rule that I don’t reply to old comments. :) If I have something to say, I do reply to old comments as well. As you said, this feeling that boys are somehow superior will not change for some generations to come. It is so strong now that people say these things openly. And anyway you will soon have two sons…I mean two son in laws! :)

  33. September 13, 2009 6:57 pm

    I am here a second time, and this post moved me even more than the first time. This hasn’t changed, and will not for a long time it seems.

  34. December 1, 2009 10:27 pm

    Funnily though the only story I personally know is a friend’s mom who wanted to have a girl and ended up with 3 sons. She was ready for her 4th pregnancy but my friend’s dad did not approve of the idea. It is funny because, my friend, the 3rd son has a unisexual name and was frequently dressed as a girl when he was young .

  35. Harry Thomas permalink
    June 22, 2010 11:40 pm

    Nice writings! Once when I had a debate with someone about sons/daughters, I asked them if they remember name of even one son of Gandhiji’s four? “No” was the answer. “Only daughter of Nehru?”, I asked. If daughters are brought up well, they can bring glory to the family.

    Hope the girls are doing great!

    Harry

    Thanks for your wishes Harry. Yes, my girls are doing fine. – Nita

  36. Sia permalink
    October 23, 2010 8:11 am

    It’s great to know that with time our attitude is changing. I hope a day arrives when we need not give any supporting phrases for welcoming a baby girl. The smile and the joy in eyes of the parents should be self explanatory.

    I wish you all the very best to you and your angels.

  37. Sandy permalink
    October 31, 2011 6:29 pm

    Brilliant blog… awesome comments..but in 2011 sex ratio is more dangerous..where r we heading?

  38. Seema permalink
    May 2, 2012 1:19 pm

    Very nice article. I just came to know in my anatomy scan that I am going to have another little girl. I already have a 5 years girl but the time has changed now and i am happy that God gave me a chance to become mother two times and both time my babies are healthy and my health is good too. There is nothing more important that that. Thanks nita for putting such a nice a article.

  39. laxmi permalink
    July 5, 2012 1:59 pm

    One of my good friends and myself had a same day delivery..she got a boy and me a girl. When we met personally after several months with our kids….she said ” I was under tremendous pressure as my mother has two daughter (she is d elder), had I given birth to girl, my In-Laws wud have said that she has got her mother’s traits. I am so relieved dat Im having a boy”. I was could nt believe my ears…

    Now my daughter is 7 yrs old. My hubby is adamant on having single child as he thinks we shd concentrate on one child only and do justice to her with good upbringing. But I am confused a bit as my daughter herself want a sibling…

    • July 5, 2012 2:04 pm

      Children always want a sibling and if health, wealth, and time permits it is something that we can give our children. A sibling who will be with them throughout their life. However a lot of single children grow up very happy, specially if they are given the opportunity to mingle with cousins who are near their age. Single children can also form life-long bonds with friends. Whether one has a single child or not, as parents we should encourage close friendships as these could turn out to be life long.

  40. Parul permalink
    August 25, 2012 11:22 pm

    Hi nita!its a fantastic blog.and this is something very true.it happened to me last year when I delivered my second daughter.no one except my husband was happy.people came to console me.said certain words tat a life is even less to forget it.even the people whom I did not even know we’re giving sympathy.every day they had laid me down as if I had committed a crime.now my daughter is one bt still the people around me r same.knowing the news of anyone having a baby boy is discussed every time and is considered a big achievement.i m writing this becoz the feeligs I m sharing with u cannot b shared with anyone.people still ask me as wen I m trying for the next .everytime telling me as the family is incomplete without boy.we r two sisters and know I hav two daughters.people annoy me I hav many times tried to ignore bt..they lay me down to depression .i luv my daughters so much I m happy with them .

    • August 26, 2012 7:55 am

      Thank you for sharing Parul. Our society is more backward than others unfortunately. The supposed superiority of male over female has been disproven for so long, but is of no use. Our patriarchal society will not let us alone and it is only our strength that can keep us going.

      • Parul permalink
        August 26, 2012 9:49 am

        Tnx a lot nita for ur reply

  41. Malavika permalink
    February 1, 2013 1:31 am

    I am an only daughter and feel like the luckiest girl in the world, my parents love me deeply and this is reflected in the fact that they have given me every advantage that they would have given a son had one been born to them. I love my parents dearly and hope that they live long and healthy lives. I also hope that I can give them every possible comfort in the future.

  42. April 12, 2013 1:23 pm

    i got a baby girl today and yes its second one. I live in singapore and from rural india. I can see a milder version of the same from literate people and more rude version from illiterate ones. My aunt from Village said got has not listen to her. With these feeling and talks my wife feels down but for me when I get my new born in my hand I just say give a dam about others who still thing a complete family is with boys only..

  43. anita permalink
    July 9, 2013 6:07 pm

    I am alos having 2 daughters, when my 2nd daughter born no one from my in-laws came to see my daughter & specially my father in law & mother in law was literaliy crying at home because of my 2nd daughter. everybody was saying why you didn’t aborted her. my father in law didn’t saw her face till her naming ceremony but i was lucky that my husband handled the situation & he supported me. Now she is 2 yrs old but still I am seeing lots of differentiation between my daughter & my brother in laws(devar) son, both the kids are of same age but my father in law treating him like a prince & my daughter….hope you can understand. but still I am praying god to give me lots of strength to face this & to give lots of stregth to my daughters also.
    Your blog gives me so much of strength…thanks a lot for such a nice blog

    • laxmi permalink
      July 24, 2013 2:33 pm

      So sad to read such stuff in the 21 st century.
      Anita, I dont know if ur in-laws thinking will change in future or not, but it is my earnest request to develop your daughters to the most confident personalities. see that ur daughters do not carry this mentality when they get married….I mean this type of thinking shd stop at some point or other.

      One more thing you do ur best for ur kids as a parent ….people will keep talking. Even I have a daughter…and it was our conscious decision to have one child…but some people dint stop from saying that we are afraid of having 2nd girl and that’s why not trying for 2nd….

      Shd I laugh or cry…so just chill and enjoy motherhood….the purest form of love ….. laxmi

      • anita permalink
        August 24, 2013 4:42 pm

        thanx Laxmi….
        Yes, I also have decided to give my best to my daughters

  44. hafiz shaikh permalink
    September 16, 2013 10:19 pm

    hi happy to be with u people m without mummy my age z 31 i still miss my mom

  45. vvv permalink
    December 30, 2013 6:26 pm

    hi i just gave birth to my 2nd daughter….as u wrote all were expecting a boy…..i too dont believe in differentiation between genders but i feel i wanted a boy as i can bring up and have experience of both the girl and boy child…..it makes me feel guilty but i amnot able to avoid thinking of this issue…..not because of society or anything else but isn’t it right to have a feeling where u wanted both each be it 1st child boy then would have loved 2nd child to be a girl each one variety…..its almost 10 days since my daughter is born but my mind is still occupied byu this thoughts…..can anything convince me enough for my this thinking ????am i wrong????

    • January 2, 2014 11:59 am

      vvv, you are not wrong, you are just human! But the gender of a child is not in our control and if left alone nature ensures that there is a good balance of both genders. Children is not like shopping, where one can choose the gender. If this was so, then the gender equation would get skewed, and in fact already has. What I am saying is that it is natural to want one child of both the sexes, but it is our maturity that makes us realise that we cannot and should not choose. Right now you are going through an emotional phase and I am sure you will get over it and be a proud parent of two wonderful and intelligent girls. In the modern world, it matters less anyway. At least with girls one can bring them up in such a way that they can be equal to any boy.

  46. Raj permalink
    April 29, 2014 8:21 am

    Hello,

    I am not sure why your husband did not visit you to see the new baby. As you mention you only met your husband after a month. It was really strange I think.

    • April 30, 2014 9:01 am

      Raj, my husband was there in the delivery room. :) He witnessed the birth of baby and saw her being born!! How many Indian husbands would do that? He had taken leave from his new job for 2 weeks but then had to go back to work in another place. I was in my parents home at the time of the birth of the baby. Please read the post again. I never said that my husband was absent during delivery or that he never came to see the baby.

Trackbacks

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