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Why men rape

September 22, 2006

vulture_1_1.jpgThis post is about Rape Research

A study by Cohen and Seghorn on 800 male sex offenders in the US found the ‘relative absence of even the most basic social values and/or social skills in them.’ The researchers suggested four classifications of rapists, a classification which has been supported by earlier as well later research.
The classifications are:

  1. Displaced aggression: Here the rape almost always follows some unpleasant event involving a wife, girl-friend or mother and the rapist uses rape as an outlet for his anger. In these cases the rape is used to physically harm the victim, who is usually a stranger.
  2. Impulse: Here the act of rape is based on impulse and is not motivated by sexual hunger or feelings. For example it can be carried out during a dacoity/robbery.
  3. Sex aggression diffusion: Here the aggressive and sexual components coexist and the rapist is aroused by aggressive thoughts. He sees the victim’s struggle as seductive and even believes that women like to be raped.
  4. Compensation: Sex is the key component and if the victim struggles or tries to escape, the would-be offender flees. The recurrent fantasy of these rapists is that the victim will yield. These offenders are passive. These rapes are mostly pre-planned.

Another classification (by Kopp) after a study of 100 rapists revealed a high incidence of anti-social or psychopathic personalities amongst rapists. A rapist is often a cold, seemingly unfeeling man who has always taken what he wanted from others without concern for their feelings. This type constitutes the largest percentage of all rapists. Whether spolit brat or a person living on the edge, the personality type is similar. They want something and they don’t care whom they hurt to get it.

Indian scenario
In India, rape is more often committed for other than sexual reasons. Displaced aggression is a common reason. To take this further, many unemployed frustrated youth might rape a woman belonging to an affluent class because of jealousy or revenge, not just lust. And the other way too. People of a higher class/caste may do it to a person whom they consider inferior, often due to land disputes.
Calcutta’s DCDD-II (Deputy Commissioner, Detective Department) Ms. Sumanbala Sahoo says, ‘Gangrapes are more common in India (particularly in rural India), and are often motivated by revenge.’

Rapist profile
Analysis of police data in western countries has revealed startling facts which again co-relate almost exactly with the Indian situation.
The majority of rapists arrested are young males between 16-24 years of age. As a group, they mostly come from the lower end of the socio-economic ladder. Typically they are unskilled workers with low intelligence, little education and low income. Research in the US has also revealed that most rapes are planned events. About 80% of rapists commit the act in the neighbourhood in which they reside and many rapes take place in an urban, nocturnal setting. Usually the rapist studies the movements of the victim (stalking) before he attacks. ‘A rapist usually studies the movements of his victim and tries to find a pattern. He also prefers darkness,’ says Ms Sahoo.

Indian women are at greater risk
Sahoo also points out that in India there is an added factor loaded against women. As they have a lower status in society than men it makes them more vulnerable to sexual crimes as men view them not only as sex objects but also as non-entities. The problem is compounded by the fact that in India raped women are often rejected by their families. In courts their reputation are attacked if it is revealed that they were raped or molested. This makes them reluctant to complain against their assailant, which in turn encourages rape.

According to crime statistics in India (which in any case are skewed) rapes are on the increase and the actual number five times higher than reported. The increase in rapes could also be because more women are coming forward with their complaints. But the stigma attached to being raped is still so high that the reported rapes will remain the tip of the iceberg.

The police on its part is trying to sensitize it’s police force. The Mumbai police has conducted several sensitization programmes to make those at lower levels understand that even a prostitute has feelings and has a right to say no.

(An abridged version of what appeared in The Telegraph, Calcutta)

2002 research: An interesting study reveals that there is a connection between rapists (and other violent offenders) and those with poor relationships with their fathers. Researchers interviewed 55 men imprisoned for child molestation and 30 men in prison for rape to determine their perceptions of their early relationships with their mothers and fathers. For purposes of comparison, the study also included 32 men who were imprisoned for violent crimes and 30 men in jail for non-violent, non-sex-related crimes.

The study findings indicated that the fathers of the rapists were less responsive to their needs than the fathers of the other offenders. The parents of the rapists and violent offenders were also less strict in supervision and discipline as compared to parents of the other offenders.

2000-2005 research from iMAPP shows that there is a connection between structure of the family and criminals. A total of 23 studies were carried out and all but three of them found this connection. Children in single-parent or other non-intact family structures were at greater risk of committing criminal or delinquent acts.

(The photograph, taken in the jungles of Tanzania is copyrighted)

Related Reading: Why victims are blamed for rape
Molestation is a part and parcel of an Indian woman’s life
Reasons and Solutions for Molestation
Tips to prevent eve-teasing and public molestation
How a poor attitude towards women can be changed

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24 Comments leave one →
  1. Lara permalink
    December 29, 2007 4:14 am

    Nita, I just ran across this post. I’m thankful to read information about rape in other countries as it helps round out people’s understanding of rape worldwide.

    You are correct that most rape is not sex-related or lust-motivated, but is committed in rage or on a power trip. Many studies bear this out. The U.S. and India are similar in the small incidence of women reporting rape (it is 10 to 30 percent in the U.S.).

    Please feel free to browse and read more U.S. studies and statistics on my blog, For the Record. Perhaps we can share information, sources, and resources.

  2. January 5, 2008 8:41 am

    Thanks Lara. Sorry for replying so late. Unfortunately you have not left your url so I cannot visit your blog.

  3. March 5, 2008 4:24 pm

    Hi, thank u for the article, while on one hand there is an increase in the education and overall well-being of women, crimes against women are on the rise. it is a strange contrast.

  4. Lara permalink
    March 18, 2008 9:05 am

    Don’t worry Nita, it has taken me a while to get back here and respond too. “For the Record” is located at http://rapeinfo.wordpress.com

    To sc above–U.S. studies have been conducted on the relationship between an increase in women’s wellbeing correlating to a rise in the incidence of violent crimes against women. There are two popular trains of thought on that.

    One is that there isn’t actually an increase in violence against women–only an increase in women’s rate of reporting crimes against themselves, due to an increase in self-respect and their actual status and power in society.

    The other is that as women gain fairness and power in society, some men are threatened by it, and the likelihood of their attacking women increases as they blame women for problems in society and in the men’s own lives.

    Since the actual rate of violent crime against women hasn’t been systematically recorded until quite recently in history (and still isn’t where some crimes are concerned), we may never know the real truth about whether the crime rate against women has gone up or down. I personally believe it has gone down as more light is shone on it. Light shines, publicity embarrasses people, women (and men) continue to work for gender fairness, new laws are passed–I am certain this has had a positive effect on crimes that used to be committed in darkness and with society’s tacit–and sometimes explicit–approval.

    I’m sure of the other parts of both arguments–that women do report attacks more now, and that some men do violence as a reaction to what they perceive as their loss of superiority to women.

    Sorry such a long response to your comment, which was a model of brevity. Good observation on your part. My two cents’ worth.

  5. sai permalink
    March 20, 2008 11:28 am

    when i hear the word called rape, i remember only one thing i.e.,sex , and if u ask me why men rape, i think as per human psycology or human brain always tries to achieve the one which it finds difficult , so when any female(ofcourse beautiful n sexy) comes in to sight of any men frequently , he finds some interest in her beauty n wants to communicate r do something to achieve her beauty when he finds it difficult he just waits for a chance to come, meanwhile he develops lust towards her beauty he gets very much frustrated and becomes restless and finally he decides he needs her at any cost and her beauty becomes his only goal to achieve.

  6. Raj Kumar permalink
    March 29, 2008 8:52 pm

    Instead of attaching value judgement and personally driven subjective criticism to rape, we must examine the complex cause-effect systems that lead a man to rape a woman. Ultimately, everyone is controlled, consciously or subconsciously, by their own mental conditioning, social environment, upbringing. All these factors contribute to the programming of one’s psyche. Perceived “choices” in the actions of an individuals are simply the taking effect of every past event leading to the point in present time wherein the choice was made.

    As Krishna tells Arjun in the Gita, while explaining to him that the slaughtering of his family is not in his hands anymore, even though he must be the executer of such an action; ” No action may be entirely attributed to a single person. We are all victims of causality, of karma. To say, “I” am the prime cause of any action, implies ego for “I” am nothing but the product of my karma, the causality that has lead to this point in time. We are just instruments of causality, not its source, not its end. You may be the instrument of your brothers death, but you are not the cause.”

    Similarly, men who commit rape are not the sole source and cause of the rape. They are playing out their own mental wiring. The perpetrator is not the man, it is all the events in the man’s life , all the causes that have warped his psyche into compelling him to commit such an atrocious act. “Hate the sin, not the sinner”, said gandhi, whose words are apt in this context.

    All rapists suffer from one or more mental disorders, be it in some form of mania, psychosis,neuroticism, phobia or dementia. Investigation of each of these disorders reveals that they originate from childhood abuse, violence, domestic turbulence etc. These are the real causes behind rape. These are the roots of rape that need to be targeted. Punishing the rapist would at best, only serve to prevent that particular person from raping again. IT wouldn’t prevent the scores of rapists in the making, from thinking twice about their actions, provided they think they can get away with it.

    In stating these reasons, I seek not to justify rape, but to shed light on what drives rapists to do what they do.

    Having ascertained the source and cause of rape, the manner in which it can be dealt with may be discussed.

    Primitive societies often take a punitive approach, eg in certain middle eastern countries, the rapist is castrated unless pardoned by the victim. This is supposed to instill fear in the hearts and minds of other would be rapists , so as to deter them from committing rape. Thus the only reason they would not commit rape, is not that they respect the dignity and honor of a woman, but that they fear punishment. Ideologically, they still think rape is justified.

    We all enter this world as babies, whose minds are untouched, unbent and waiting to be moulded. Every man and woman was once a baby. No rapist ever entered this world intending to become a rapist. They BECAME rapists in the course of their lives. Targeting and punishing the rapist, doesn’t solve the problem. Rape will continue, because the man who commits the rape is just an instrument, not the cause. The real causes are different – social ignorance, apathy, blame and societies need to seek “Vengeance” in the form of retribution and “justice” , which does nothing but perpetuate more suffering, more hatred, more blame. These are the very same reasons that rape is committed. So in trying to prevent rape, society in fact perpetuates it, in a vicious cycle.

    If a reformatory approach is taken, as it is in many developed countries, then efforts are directed toward helping the perpetrator overcome the impulses to rape, and instead view women , not as mere objects of sex, but as worthy partners deserving of love and respect.

    Moreover, in these primitive, rather regressive societies,huge efforts are made to make a scapegoat out of the rapist, but the damage done to the victim remains the same. Often, the damage is even exacerbated by ostracizing the victim for she is not “pure” and she has been “violated”.

    Instead of focusing solely on punishing the perpetrator, many progressive societies offer counseling and psychiatric treatment to the victim as well.

    Many men ( me excluded ) see rape only as a physical violation. They know not of the emotional and psychological scars that rape inflicts on women. In victims, rape is often accompanied by Post traumatic Stress disorder. The women are so traumatized, they lose touch with reality and can even become suicidal. Their suffering transforms their otherwise empathetic nature into one begetting anger, resentment and hatred for all men, whom they see as evil and unworthy. Thus, they need to be counseled, comforted, supported, loved and made to feel whole again. Even though inhumanity exists, they need to be shown that the world can be a humane place where many caring, sensitive and worthy men reside.

  7. Raj Kumar permalink
    March 29, 2008 9:34 pm

    oh and I forgot to add, Studies and statistics do not deductively, deterministically prove a set of societal tendencies ( eg poor parenting, lack of discipline, lack of relationship with father ) are CAUSING another set of behavioral tendencies ( child molestation, domestic abuse etc) because CORRELATION does not imply CAUSATION.

    Two things may be RELATED but that doesn’t mean one causes another. There may be a connection, but the functionality of cause-effect is much stronger than mere relationship.
    Eg

    “Wages and Interest rates are rising simultaneously. They are related. Thus An increase in wages causes an increase in interest rates”.

    That argument is fallacious because it implies two correlated quantities, ie,
    “wages” and “interest rates” must have a cause – effect relationship. They COULD have a cause-effect relationship, ie there is a POSSIBILITY that they do, however this does not mean they MUST have a cause-effect relationship.
    They MUST have a cause-effect relationship only if we deductively, ie by definition or property prove that an increase in wages causes an increase in interest rates.

    Similarly, just because we have observed that a small sample space of sex offenders share common characteristics, we cannot conclude those characteristics are responsible for their behavior. It may be the case, that all those characteristics are themselves the result of another more universal , common human trait that has not been discovered. Unless you explain WHY a poor relationship with a father would make someone more inclined to rape, you cannot deductively conclude that a poor relationship with a father or a less disciplined or intact family CAUSES someone to become a rapist.

    Such a proposition is at best based on inductive reasoning, which unless applied to precisely defined predicates ( which is not the case here ), does not hold valid.

    Most of these “studies” use such reasoning and fool readers by employing logical fallacies that are convincing but flawed. We must be very careful before making assertions about Cause-effect relationships, for the existence of a relationship does not mean it is a cause-effect one, as propounded by these “studies”.

  8. Lara permalink
    March 31, 2008 9:13 am

    @Raj Kumar

    We agree completely on the fact that people and their thinking (which leads to their choices, which leads to their actions) are deeply and permanently affected by upbringing and enculturation.

    I disagree with the statement, “Rape will continue, because the man who commits the rape is just an instrument, not the cause.”

    Fundamentally, if a man is not the cause of the rape he committed, but only the instrument–someone is playing the instrument. If it isn’t the man himself, then for the safety of society he needs to be kept somewhere where he can’t get to women at all.

    Whatever causes do in fact contribute to a woman abusing her child, or a man hitting his girlfriend, or a man raping a woman–those causes don’t have physical bodies or consciousness. Causes can’t make free-will decisions and they can’t physically attack people.

    I’m in agreement with you when it comes to providing treatment to rapists. But if the responsibility lies with whatever experiences shaped rapists, not with rapists themselves–well, there’s clearly no point trying to train or teach someone who isn’t in control of his own actions. A man can’t change his past.

    I appreciate your statement about not trying to excuse rape, but instead to explain it. I do think that if you’re wary of the studies you describe (correlation vs. causation), then it’s equally difficult to state that a childhood of abuse or upheaval or bad training is the actual causative factor for rape.

    “Unless you explain WHY a poor relationship with a father would make someone more inclined to rape, you cannot deductively conclude that a poor relationship with a father or a less disciplined or intact family CAUSES someone to become a rapist.”

    I agree with that. It does negate your point about all the causes that supposedly caused the man to rape, instead of it being his individual choice. Those causes are also subject to the correlation/causation question.

    It is imperative that we become more compassionate to rapists in providing them treatment and retraining, in addition to imprisoning them. Imprisonment doesn’t rehabilitate people. It is also imperative that we become more compassionate to rape victims in providing support and not morally and legally finding ways to blame the victim.

    But the bottom line is that if human beings are not fully responsible for their choices, then we have no right to pursue justice when a man rapes; and there’s no point in providing therapy to him either.

    Current law provides for mental incapacity. Short of that, most folks are aware that it ain’t right to attack people. My heart goes out to those who have endured abuse, as I have. It does not mean we treat them as less free in their choices and less responsible in their actions.

    Many of us have been damaged. If our upbringing/ training/ abuse experiences truly determined our choices, then all abuse victims would go on to damage others as rapists do. But many people don’t. It’s their choice.

    • Navjyoti_003@yahoo.co.in permalink
      November 4, 2012 7:33 pm

      Lara, I completely agree with YOU. I am a Raman of 30 years age. and my upbringing was very harsh. Harsh in the sense, that my parents also, like almost all Indian people, always neglected my sisters, they always abused them for nothing, sent them to cheap school while I joined a good school. But my parents cared for me all the time neglecting my sisters altogether. Initially I also had no respect for women and girls and thought they can never do big things, but when I saw things and judged them myself, I found that although I am a man I may be strong physically but I do not possess all the power. Today my sisters are in reputed place and earning ten times more than me hold high respect but the valueless teachings about women, my parents instilled in me, had put burden on me of age-old wrong thinking about women. How I brought myself from the gift of ignorance and apathy my parents had given me in the name of love and caring as a male child….my heart knows. Thank you papa thank you mom for making my life as a demon’s life for years because of your teachings. but now I am changed and become to be loved and be respected by all this could be possible only because of my perceptions.

  9. Mala permalink
    May 11, 2008 12:30 pm

    Hi, I was just going thru this website as I wanted to put across my views on it. As far as I understand there are numerous reasons why men commit rape and its practically not possible to cure off each and every cause or give a solution to it.
    But, yes by giving strict or harsh punishmnets might stop atleast 3/4th of the men of not even thinking of rape who do it for the sake of fun, merely putting them under bars for 3 months and charging some 10,000/- penalty is not a solution, why can’t there be some fix strict punishmnet which will not encourage the 2nd person to even think about it.
    I seriously want to take this up on a higher level but am unable to find the right direction, kindly let me know whom can I putthis across or probably we can have a group formed and get this issue up.
    Request you to revert at the earliest either jere or on my personal email ID as mentioned above.

    Mala, you should approach a womens organisation in your city. Each city has several. They will guide you. – Nita.

  10. May 25, 2008 6:25 pm

    Most of the rapes in India happen in villages, especially on dalit and other lower caste women. Read this article http://stalin-mao.net/?p=1163

  11. June 4, 2008 2:24 pm

    Hi,

    I too find it difficult to blindly swallow the `reasons’ for rape mentioned in the article. I strongly belive rapists should be castrated and then given the strictest possible punishment. Rapist of minors should be awarded death, as it is a proven fact that peodophiles have several vicitms. Ruthless punishment is one of the more immediate solutions.

  12. Sonia permalink
    June 4, 2008 2:28 pm

    Hi Mala,

    i could not find your email address. pls mail me on soniachopra2(AT)gmail(DOT)com. Would love to connect with you and if you are in mumbai, we can get in touch with a women’s organisation together. I was planning to do the same and am in the middle of sourcing the correct NGO to connect with. Also visit the blog unwantedgirlchild(AT)blogspotDOT com.

    Hope to hear from u soon!!

  13. June 4, 2008 3:24 pm

    SC,

    I completely agree with your views, except the part about the death penalty. As a guy, I can assure you that the death penalty will not deter rapists and other scum beings who commit heinous crimes. It will only lead to the scum beings killing their victims. Life imprisonment till death would be a better choice.

  14. westernsnowlion permalink
    June 6, 2008 11:25 am

    INDIAN MEN MUST LEARN TO RESPECT WOMEN AND TREAT THEM AS EQUALS! Period!!!

    Raj Kumar said:
    >>The real causes are different – social ignorance, apathy, blame and societies need to seek “Vengeance” in the form of retribution and “justice” , which does nothing but perpetuate more suffering, more hatred, more blame. These are the very same reasons that rape is committed.
    >>If a reformatory approach is taken, … then efforts are directed toward helping the perpetrator overcome the impulses to rape, and instead view women , not as mere objects of sex, but as worthy partners deserving of love and respect.

    Your two somewhat contradictory paragraphs indicate a missing fundamental cause of rape: that men in many Indian cultures think of women as objects, even ‘nonentities’ as someone else said. You mention social ignorance, apathy, etc, and sure these might contribute. But the basic fact is that until men respect women as much as they respect other men – AS EQUALS – some men will rape and many will harass, because the wishes and person of women are not to be respected. (this excludes true psychopaths who will torture anyone, etc).

    Most importantly, can we deny that a vast number of Indian men not only do not respect women other than their mothers (if that), but that they in fact are taught not to respect women, by their fathers, peers, media, general cultural behaviors and even/especially *women themselves* ?

    Whether this lack of respect results in rape/harassment of higher status women (as vengeance), or lower status women (because they have little protection and are seen as even lesser ‘nonentities’) – lack of respect for women as equal beings entitled to inviolable personal space is the key issue. While there are still rapes in countries like the USA, the kinds of harassment, and especially groping of women encountered so often in India is rarely experienced there. And most certainly not with the same frequency, as in India.

    Lack of respect for women is the single most important issue preventing the advancement of Indian society and the rise of India in the world.

    • Navjyoti_003@yahoo.co.in permalink
      November 4, 2012 7:40 pm

      you are totally right. totally right.

  15. Raj Kumar permalink
    June 22, 2008 8:26 pm

    I am glad my comment sparked some interesting debate. Westernsnowlion :

    “Your two somewhat contradictory paragraphs indicate a missing fundamental cause of rape: that men in many Indian cultures think of women as objects, even ‘nonentities’ as someone else said. You mention social ignorance, apathy, etc, and sure these might contribute. But the basic fact is that until men respect women as much as they respect other men – AS EQUALS – some men will rape and many will harass, because the wishes and person of women are not to be respected.”

    That is exactly the issue I addressed. The reformatory approach I proposed seeks to educated and neuro-linguistically “re-program” the mental wiring of men who see women as nothing more than mere objects of sex.

    On another note,I thought I’d spice this discussion up a little more by bringing to your attention a device some people would be horrified by, but others like SC would welcome with open arms :

    I speak of RapeEX –

    “RapeX, is a latex sheath embedded with shafts of sharp, inward-facing barbs that would be worn by a woman in her vagina like a tampon. If an attacker were to attempt vaginal rape, their penis would enter the latex sheath and be snagged by the barbs, causing the attacker pain during withdrawal and (ideally) giving the victim time to escape. The condom would remain attached to the attacker’s body when he withdrew and could only be removed surgically, which would alert hospital staff and police. This device could assist in the identification and prosecution of rapists.

    Like most condoms, RapeX also usually prevents pregnancy and the transmission of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases.

    RapeX was unveiled on August 31, 2005 in South Africa. Mass production was scheduled to begin in April 2007.[2]”

    The inventor is a South African woman named Sonette Ehler. Believe it or not , rape and more generally crime of a violent nature, is more pervasive in South Africa, than it is in India ( so you can imagine how bad it is )

    Now I will with-hold my comments on RapeX because I’m more interested in probing the views and minds of others.
    Just so you know, RapeX faced HUGE criticism and SERIOUS opposition from FEMINIST groups who claimed :

    “It is like we are going back to the days where women were forced to wear chastity belts. It is a terrifying thought that women are being made to adapt to rape by wearing these devices … Women would have to wear this every minute of their lives on the off-chance that they would be raped.”

    -Lisa Vetten (Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliation, South Africa)

    “Some have also expressed concern that the device could be worn for consensual sex as part of a malicious act of revenge or cruelty. Others have argued that since the wearer of the condom exhibits no visible signals that she is using the condom, there is no visible deterrence for a prospective attacker, which adds to criticisms that the device is vindictive rather than preventive.[8][4]

    This is a medieval instrument, based on male-hating notions and fundamentally misunderstands the nature of rape and violence against women in this society.”
    —Charlene Smith ( Rape victim consultant and feminist lobbyist )

    So now I ask you .. how is calling for the castration of a man any different, if not worse than endorsing a product such as RapeX?

    Does one wrong justify another? I know we don’t live in an ideal world, but if its the barbaric atrocity of rape that compels you to support an equally barbarous act ( ie castration ) , then you don’t condemn the act of rape because it is barbarous, but because you want to SEND A MESSAGE, PROVE A POINT, which indeed you affirm by expressing the desire to “Teach those rapists a lesson” by castrating them.

    I know people who have worked with rape victims… These women are psychologically and emotionally devastated…. but given the EMPATHY and support they so desperately need and deserve… THEY DO RECOVER. Some even become stronger human beings.

    Ever heard of suprano singer Amy Lee? ( lead singer of evanescence ). She was abused and raped when she was younger, but she came to terms with it, and was able to overcome the torturous ordeals accompanying her abuse by using music as a medium to communicate her angst.

    At this juncture, I know some of those who consider themselves morally superior would ask impertinently :

    “So are you saying its ok to rape women just because they can recover?”

    CERTAINLY NOT. All I am saying is that recovery is entirely possible, and we should focus on undoing the damage done to the victims instead of spending so much time and energy of concentrating on venting our hatred toward rapists.

    Having asserted that rape victims can recover, and certainly do so if they are provided with a nurturing, supportive environment ( not one that thinks of the rape victims as impure or “used” ) I now ask you to consider; can a castrated man’s penis grow back?

    Castration would probably result in either of the following :

    1. He realizes the extent of the suffering he has caused and is truly sorry. But he still loses his manhood so there is no way he can be a lover or a father. He’d either go even more insane than he already was ( and he definitely has some psychological dysfunctionality to begin with since he’s a rapist) or he’d probably kill himself.

    2. His anger, frustration and hatred for women, a group of women, or a class of women ( which is initially what some rapists say compel them to rape ) is compounded and this does not solve the problem either.

    Let me conclude that I feel passionately for women ( particularly those in india) who bear the brunt of society’s most ugly crime : rape ( to which is also affiliated paedophilia and domestic violence)

    However, I’m more interested in undoing that ugliness by beautifying that lives of these women, rather than dishing out misguided punishment just to PROVE A POINT.

  16. Raj Kumar permalink
    June 22, 2008 8:31 pm

    Sorry for the many typos… I am in a hurry… have to go to class.

    But I would appreciate your views nonetheless.

  17. June 22, 2009 6:42 pm

    Nita this is an amazing post and should be read by a larger number of people. I agree with everything of course and I am just grateful to find everything I have always felt expressed so simply here.

  18. shareen permalink
    August 25, 2010 12:37 am

    My girlfriends talk about how silently scary /aggressive alot of indian men are in the bedroom-often biting,chewing sensitive parts and moving/pushing girlfriend around the bed in silence like the girl is a cushion.They seem so repressed .
    Where is the tenderness,warmth,rhythm?-nowhere.There are exceptions to the rule of course.

    No wonder most indian women look so unhappy- alot of indian men are selfish,rude & immature in the bedroom.
    Time for india to evolve and empower indian women and educate indian men on sensitivity/empathy.

  19. Rajesh Kumar permalink
    June 17, 2011 8:16 am

    Men do not rape…. they are falsely accused of rape. No rape is possible without use of extreme violence….. most of the rape allegations are allegations of rape without violence!!! We are living in a false rape society.

  20. best permalink
    February 23, 2012 11:51 am

    will men be blamed all the time?, i think the women should be mindful of their movements at all time.

  21. jasjit permalink
    August 22, 2012 8:54 pm

    raj kumar..thanks for the precise and detaided information you’ve provided in your comments above… but… can someone tell me how does one expect to change this social conditioning of men that they are not superior to women? and i am talking about those men who dont have access to luxuries like the internet.. how does it change?
    where does this notion come from? and how do you redeem such an extremist view?

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