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Gay parents and heterosexual parents – any difference?

November 20, 2008

A gay Israeli couple, Yonatan and Omer had their baby delivered by a surrogate Indian mother in India…this in a land where homosexuality is a criminal offense. I guess this can only happen in a country like India, a land of contradictions! India has been a destination for gay couples for some time now as not many countries allow gays to hire surrogates, and if they do, it’s expensive.

When it comes to same sex marriage, only six countries allow it – The Netherlands (the first country to allow same-sex marriage in 2001), Belgium, Canada, Norway, South Africa and Spain, along with two states in the United States: Massachusetts and Connecticut. Here is a map from the wiki which shows the different levels of acceptance of gay marriages across the world:

In India we are still talking about de-criminalising homosexuality, but there are said to be about 2.5 million male homosexuals in India and there are probably an equal number of lesbians. Despite this, people in India do not want to talk about homosexuality or wish to believe that it is not prevalent. Certainly if one goes by most of the popular films and serials, one would feel that it almost invisible. Some people feel that the movie Dostana at least brought it to the forefront of people’s minds, even though the movie had no gay characters.

What the movie in fact made clear was that people do have stereotypes about gays, and when it comes to accepting gay parenting…this subject is surely taboo for our films! Foreign gay couples adopting kids is one thing, our people doing it another. The fears surrounding gay couples bringing up children are huge, and not just in India.

What is the difference between gay parents and heterosexual parents?
When people in India read about Israeli couple, Yonatan and Omer, I wonder what thoughts went through their heads. Were they horrified? Indifferent? Hoped that this would never be allowed in India? Did they think that the child was doomed to a life of gender confusion? Well, there are a lot of misconceptions about homosexuals as parents and here are a few:

  • Their children will be confused about their gender role and sexual identity
  • The children will themselves become lesbian or gay
  • The children will have a tough time socially and have adjustment problems which could lead to behavioral difficulties.

But research since the late fifties has found no reasons to believe that gays make poor parents or that their children turn out to be maladjusted or that their children become homosexual. Sure, there is criticism about these studies. Faults have been found with sampling and methodology, and certainly a lot more research, sampling respondents across all social strata and all communities, needs to be done in this area. However, a report by The American Academy of Pediatrics, a fairly comprehensive review of gay-parenting, has “found no meaningful differences between children raised by gay parents and those raised by heterosexual parents”.

As there is no evidence that children of gay parents become gay (environmental factors), it seems to confirm the notion that being gay is linked to one’s genes in some way, although this is still one of the biggest medical mysteries of our time. No one really knows for sure whether there is a gay gene, although research seems to suggest that there is. Even if there is, social factors are also thought to play a part. However there is no consensus as to which environmental factors influence gay-ness. Some say it is bringing up a child as if she were of the opposite sex, and this has been found true in some cases, but contradicted by others. It does seem that the biological factor needs to be present and then the social factors can trigger the biological.

There are certainly complex factors at work, and the environment also includes one’s-prenatal environment and hormonal factors. Whichever way it goes, the fact is that no one makes a choice to be gay or a heterosexual. He/she is just that way and it doesn’t make him/her worse or better than the other.

Related Reading: The moral police at work when it comes to gays
Transgender issues discussed on Tamil TV
Surrogacy in India
Adoption in India – how to go about it

80 Comments leave one →
  1. Padmini permalink
    November 20, 2008 8:20 am

    Interesting topic Nita, and enough to confuse anyone:) In my opinion, children brought up by gay parents will certainly be influenced by them later in their lives – in their teens and later. I don’t see how they can be different as children. On the other hand, they are probably aware that their family is “different” from other families which may of course, cause them to be a little different too.

    Padmini, once kids are in their teens their sexuality is already decided. The only way that research has shown a difference is that gay kids of gay parents “come out” easily unlike those of heterosexual parents. And if one talks of differences, I think negative differences arise because of abusive or uncaring parents and there is no evidence to show that gays are this more than heterosexuals. In fact studies have shown that gays are better and more loving parents as they often choose to be parents against all odds, but I have not included that in my post as there isn’t enough research across diverse segments of society. – Nita.

    • Lilly Lee permalink
      April 26, 2012 7:27 am

      yes my family is differant, we are all adopted and my moms are gay, but im 13 and i do, in fact, stick up for myself. kids no longer bother me with the coments bc they know for a fact that- due to a past situation where i beat up this group of fifteen year olds for calling me continuous names and spreading rumors about me- they wont like what they get in return, and honestly, it doesnt bother me anymore.

  2. November 20, 2008 8:40 am

    I think Dostana had three gay characters: M (Boman Irani), emigration officer and the military guy (guest appearance).

    Whether children of gay couples have adjustment problems and confusion over gender roles depends a lot on how effectively their parents communicate it to them. But having said that, they may find themselves socially sidelined because of narrow outlook of society. And although they may be more willing to experiment with their sexual identity, I see no reason why their gender identity will be determined by their parents (I am a strong believer in genetic origin of sexual identity, though I do not completely rule out environmental factors).

    Ambuj you are right about Dostana but those are not lead characters. I agree with you when you say that if children are confused, it depends on the nature of their parents and how they communicate their differences. Also research has shown that children of gay parents are certainly discriminated against, but cope with it because of the parents. After all, so many groups are discriminated against in society, not just gays, but children of these groups learn to cope. – Nita.

  3. neptunianh permalink
    November 20, 2008 8:43 am

    If anything, the gay parents will inspire a sense of freedom of expression for the children they raise. Homosexuality cannot be taught to anyone. If the seed isn’t there, that wood will not grow. With the very unforgiving world, gay parents will exemplify strength, resilience, dignity for the children. The children will grow up to be open minded. Naturally this is the optimistic side of things. Gay parents can be terrible as well and perhaps instill a sense of shame within the children. I just haven’t met any bad gay parents. Well, OK, maybe this one couple who dressed their babies in sequined Halloween costumes. It was a choking-hazard ordeal.

    neptunianh, I agree, if the seed is not there, the wood will not grow. The world has to be understanding and accepting. – Nita.

  4. November 20, 2008 8:48 am

    I dunno what the big fuss about gays is…Its not like they are aliens or just dropped from the sky.God created heterosexuals and homosexuals both..If we are not shocked about heterosexual behaviour, why do we bother so much about homosexuals???

    Sheba, thanks for the objective look at it! I think some hostile attitudes towards gays may be religious in origin. – Nita.

  5. November 20, 2008 9:20 am

    Not that it’s not possible but can any research like that ever be trusted? Do you think scientist who found that parenting was different going to publish at all, rather than discard his findings and stash data somewhere? Not unless he wants to be harassed by his peers, media and public and loose his research grant.

    I don’t think that person can be come homosexual because of homosexual parents but common sense suggests that parenting will be different, not better or worse, but definitely different. Things we learn from parents in early childhood and roles they play are very influential in life.

  6. November 20, 2008 9:31 am

    a good article! Though the parenting can be good by both the sets of parents (gays or otherwise!) i personally believe that the child will definitely have social adjustment problems, at least in Indian setting where these relationships are not accepted, rather they are a BIG tabboo…

  7. November 20, 2008 9:32 am

    though Ashish sounds cynical, i do agree with him!

  8. Vinod permalink
    November 20, 2008 9:54 am

    Homosexuality is a crime in Singapore too. In classroom discussions on homosexuality, I am saddened by the prejudice that Singaporeans (by race Chinese/Malay/Indian) exhibit against gays/lesbians. At work, my colleague often cracks jokes against gays and condones such jokes by her kids. My Pakistani housemate proudly declares “There are no gays in Pakistan”, although the sufferings of gays in the Pakistani community is well documented. It is disheartening to see such closed mindedness.

    Oftentimes, people mixup homosexuals and transvestites, as if they are one and the same phenomenon.

  9. Vinod permalink
    November 20, 2008 9:57 am

    I wonder what people will have to say to cases of heterosexual parents who are devoutly conservative and living in a conservative society ending up having a kid who grows up as a homosexual in that very same community although he never gets to even meet anyone who views homosexuals sympathetically.

  10. November 20, 2008 10:42 am

    Ashish, ofcourse research can have many flaws but it is something to go on, rather than just opinions of people! Also there is a lot of research by strongly religious anti-gay groups which the scientific world discards as it is not considered objective! It’s difficult for me to judge which is right, and what the validity of each piece of research is. About the differences, you are right. Research has shown that children of gay parents are not restricted to societal gender roles if you know what I mean….like girls to cooking and so on. The children grow up in atmosphere where they are allowed to be themselves. This is different from a heterosexual parent who wishes for a boy and dresses his daughter in boys clothes and pretends she is a boy or a hetrosexual parent who himself/herself wishes for a girl and so dresses his/her boy in frocks and puts make-up etc. Believe me there are many such cases. From what I have read in the last day or two while researching this post is that gay parents do not force any of these things on their children, the freedom they give to their kdis to express themselves is far more than normal heterosexual parents do. For eg, a normal heterosexual parent will encourage his boy to be interested in sports and cars etc, and a girl to the more girly things.
    When the children of gays are adults it’s been found that their free upbringing (free of gender stereotypes) has a beneficial influence on the person, but does not influence their sexuality in any way and nor does it cause gender confusion.
    I hope I have managed to convey what I want.

    Sakhi, true adjustment problems happen, as with other minority groups. I agree, this is something different (having two mothers or two fathers) and it can ostracize a child, but in India generally this kind of thing is not open, so if it is hidden, then no one will know!

    Vinod, yes it is sad isn’t it to see people making senseless jokes like that. And your point in your second comment is bang on! Most gays are in fact from the heterosexual community where they have not been exposed to it.

  11. November 20, 2008 11:01 am

    @ Nita : What about families where one parent is a homosexual in a closet and one is a straight person. Children there would have been exposed to the terrible gay parenthood already. hai hai! He he he. I think again categorization of people based on sexuality seems to be a rather straight people thing. If you were gay you would embrace straight sexuality in an instant because you would not feel ‘repulsed’ by it but mostly its the straights that need to stop making such a fuss about it.

    As for kids I think its best when they grow up with their straight mommies and daddies. Why? Simply because kids need both role models. However single or gay parents are not ‘bad’ parents per say. Its just that they have to work way more harder than the conventional family.

    A lot of gay people do not want kids. Some do. However I wish they would adopt rather than doing this whole ‘rent a womb’ thing. I also wish the governments were not dumb enough to ban particular sexualities. Gay, Straight, White, Black, Orange or Blue we all need to just mind our business. Things will turn by themselves from there.

    odzer, if a heterosexual is married to a closet gay then it is likely that the kids don’t know about it so that means they are not exposed to homosexuality in their environment.
    That point you made about being repulsed is valid. I admit that though I was not repulsed as such by gay parenting I was certainly sceptical of it when I read about the Israeli couple. But that led to me read about it and write this post, and I am a better informed person today. I feel we should all set our emotions aside ( about 10 years ago the thought of homosexuality was repulsive to me) and let our rational mind take over. I think that point you made about role models is a valid one and I wonder how gay parents can fulfill those roles. Also, I am not sure whether you are against surrogacy or whether you feel that if gays have children the gene will be transmitted. – Nita.

  12. November 20, 2008 12:11 pm

    first of all,in our country,we need to educate school students properly 🙂 The stereotyping starts in school,where someone learns about homosexuality and starts accusing others for the fun of it,so it generally gets into the category of “bad things”.while most people come out of taking about sex etc as a bad thing,this remains in that category.

    As for having two moms/dads,well,as long as there is a balance,i don’t see the problem and also the child having his/her own freedom.

    Vishesh, I think you have hit the nail on the head. These prejudices should be tackled in school itself, during sex education. Although sex education is still being opposed, some sort of curriculum is being formulated in some states. So lets see. Once sex education is introduced all over India, then one can press for education about different kinds of sexuality. – Nita.

  13. November 20, 2008 12:14 pm

    @ Nita : I would like to very quickly clarify two things.

    1) I believe kids know when something is sexually amiss among two parents. So if one parent is a closet homosexual the home environment would be less than congenial. So indeed I was mocking those kind of marriages in my previous comment. Trust me on this one kids are far more smarter than we give them credit for.

    2) No I do not have any problems with the transmission of gay genes. I wish that straights who can not have kids should adopt as well instead of renting a womb thing for two reasons again :

    i) Emotional involvement of the surrogate mother. Imagine having a kid and giving it up. I think that kind of stress would definitely knock down a couple of years from your natural life.

    ii) There are kids out there in need of parents. I think its a better idea to give these kids a chance when you give yourself a chance. So while I am not against surrogacy I do wish people would give adoption a fair chance.

    Ok, thanks. Now I know what you mean because I too have my reservations about surrogacy. – Nita.

  14. November 20, 2008 12:30 pm

    I tend to agree with Ambuj Saxena’s comment above.
    Let me also add that there was a time when it was felt that single mothers cannot bring up children on their own, but today they are even allowed to adopt. And are doing as good a job as any other couples.

    IHM, I agree, these are age-old prejudices that we all fall victim too and we need to see it in the light of new information available. – Nita.

  15. November 20, 2008 1:17 pm

    @Odzer and @Nita:

    Observing the gay couples I know, it is quite clear that they follow, to a great extent, conventional gender roles. One is sort of more “male” than the other (also applies to lesbian couples). In theory therefore, while children are brought up in a more tolerant environment, in practice they may not be being less exposed to gender roles and stereotyping than children brought up by heterosexual parents.

    That said, I do not know many persons who are happy to visualise their parents’ sex lives! So it must be with children of gay parents. Which means most of the ‘difference’ in children’s experience of parenting comes from societal interpretation of having two dads or two moms rather than one of each. (I assume that the child’s experience of a parent’s parenting is far more important in this discussion than the other way round.)

    @Odzer, you say: “I think again categorization of people based on sexuality seems to be a rather straight people thing. ”

    Come to London and I will show you different. Try going to a gay bar even if by mistake. The gaydars of homosexual people are extremely well-tuned and you may find yourself stared out of the place. Prejudice is nobody’s monopoly.

    In Zurich, my experience was only slightly different. A stupid heterosexual person stands out from a cheekily curious one. I reached the city late and needed food. A gay bar was the only place open. The waiter quietly served me and said I must leave quickly after.

  16. November 20, 2008 1:33 pm

    @ Shefaly : LOL @ you in a gay bar. Imagining it just makes me laugh a bit. Sorry about that. I guess you haven’t said if it was a male gay place or a female one. Anyway what I meant was that in general lives the straights seems more concerned about gay people and their lives than vice versa. Oh the poor gay people are being discriminated against type straights, or oh these dirty gay people are ruining the society types. I mean it should not matter at all what or who you sleep with. The whole society thing is just a made up way to control individual freedoms. As an anarchist I am all for the abolishing of society itself. 🙂

  17. November 20, 2008 1:41 pm


    Being stared out isn’t my worst life experience. Unusually enough I am asked for ID before being served a drink, never mind I am older than the barman/ maid.

    PS: It was a mixed gay bar. Very close to Trafalgar Square. I was not alone.

  18. November 20, 2008 1:43 pm

    @ Odzer:

    The comment got sent too soon. I was not alone. I was in a group of smart-casually dressed management consultants, all my friends from a firm near by. The men felt much worse than the women.

  19. November 20, 2008 2:07 pm

    @ Shefaly : Oh dear. May be the management consultancy dress code was spoiling the environment. He he he. ROFL.

  20. Vinod permalink
    November 20, 2008 2:42 pm

    I’m curious to know why the non-Indians who “rent” wombs in India do not do so in their own country. Are there any moral arguments against such surrogacy? I’m not aware of any. Can somebody educate me?

  21. November 20, 2008 4:25 pm

    @ Nita

    This is why I like your posts… they are so comprehensive..

    I was happily confused reading this news. “It can only happen in India”, gay couple having their baby surrogated, while homosexuality is an offense.

    Gay parenting equally good as straight parents, I guess the questions is very subjective.

    If one questions gay parenting, what about single parenting?? and what abt parents who are having a troubled marriage??

    I don’t think sexuality of parents can affect a child’s sexuality, then straight parents would produce only straight childs..from where did gays emerge?

    @ Odzer

    I agree with you, one should prefer adoption over surroogacy.

    but one more point, being Gay is just not a matter of whom you are sleeping around with.

    Sharad, Thanks. And another contradiction, it is not homosexuality which is criminal, just the act! So this means that Indian law allows you to be a homosexual, as long as you don’t make love with another person of the same sex! – Nita.

  22. November 20, 2008 5:11 pm

    Maybe few differences…but not many really…
    I think it depend more of the behaviour and mentality…of the person…than if they are gay! No matter if parents are gay.

    I have many gay friends. Some of them don’t want children because of their “life-style”. But some other want a family like many people, their own family. We all know gay people are very sensitive and loving, …i think their children can be very open minded, happy and free!!!

    And I don’t think they will influence their children, as every individual has its own sexuality … All my gay friends have heterosexual parents!!!

    have a nice day!

  23. November 20, 2008 5:14 pm

    we are in the 21 century…
    no more taboos please!

  24. November 20, 2008 5:18 pm

    Well, first of all, including you Nita, sorry for not being on-board for commenting on the posts in the last month or so. My exams are getting over in a week’s time and I’ll get back to ‘normalcy’.

    From my side, I would like to inform all the readers that I am a gay Indian and I am looking forward to be a father some day. Obviously, this needs a lot of thinking and planning. The research cited by Nita is just a big positive step in the path.

    I believe that I can be as competitive as a heterosexual person in bringing up a child.

  25. Vivek Khadpekar permalink
    November 20, 2008 5:22 pm

    @ Sharad Bapat:

    //“It can only happen in India”, gay couple having their baby surrogated, while homosexuality is an offense.//

    I’m not so sure about India being any worse than other countries. I am sure there are many in situations in which a particular act is against the law, but the pre- or post-condition for it is not. Take the law against smoking in public places. There is no law against manufacturing cigarettes, selling them or cultivating tobacco.

    We generally tend to cite these as examples of the law being an ass, but if it weren’t so, can you imagine how a combination of draconian laws could be used by the fascistic elements in society — religious leaders, sanskrtirakshakas, the ever-amenable-to-corruption police? In fact all the types whose basic mission in life is enshrined in the motto “thou shalt not…”.

  26. November 20, 2008 5:27 pm

    Hello Kris,
    of course u can be as competitive as a heterosexual person!!! OF COURSE!

  27. November 20, 2008 6:02 pm

    Sweden? Did you leave out Sweden?

    @ Bapat, very well thought out and relevant, in context.

    @ Odzer, yes closetted Gay and straight woman marriages are a source of constant strain on the children. And yes, am a teacher of high school myslelf and be able to tell you on such authority, that children not only sense it out, but DO know about discord bet their parents. They actually even discuss which parent is seeing whom sometimes with class teachers when they are distressed about quarrels and acrimony at home. Esply, if children have been thru eviction from houses bec father is harrassed by local police or goons, beaten up by over enthusiastic neighbours desiring to help Mom. It happens in Kol, dnt knw if u ever saw such thngs in Mum.

    They are far more aware than we choose to acknowledge here in India.
    While doing Mahabharata in our school, lately, and on a trip to Bhutan where you get to buy the male penis symbolising good luck as key rings, colleagues had a hard-to-control-laughter time with them acting their ideas out at evening get-togethers, that too grade VIII, thts under 13 for u.
    It is extremely essential that you mind wht u say infront of even ur thre year olds – they dont forget and they fig it out and put two n two together failry accuartely.

  28. November 20, 2008 6:27 pm

    @Odzer, abt surrogate motherhood:
    1) if she agrees and does it for the money, it is her decision. She as an adult should know what is good for HER. No need to molly-coddle just bec she is a “she”.
    2) if she doesn’t and states that she wd like to be a part of the parenting, then it shd be entertained by the Gay parents, and included in the social contract, just as divorced parents get visiting and sharing of parenthood rights, she being the biological mum and it wd be easier for her.
    3) ultimately, role-model perceptions shd have to go. If you are thinking of doing away wth society itsef, anything that came as part of that package wd have to cease. Ideally, if we are going for all kinds of ways of getting a baby, buyng it across the counter(IVF), using bio-surrogates, using cryo-babies, adopting as single parents or opting for IVF as single parent – the ONLY model shd be an IDEAL PARENT. This stereotype of a lactating being hogging the show as Mum and exerting such power(quite often unduly), n the other labelled as mere ‘provider-protector’ wd hve to go.
    Instead of debating “decriminalising” these ought to become more imp points of debate actually.
    Wht shd be the future design of the social matrix, tht ensures equal position to all members irrespective of >strong>gender, sexuality, origin. We are on the threshold of major changes if we remember wht direction science is heading.

  29. November 20, 2008 6:30 pm

    Wht shd be the future design of the social matrix, tht ensures equal position to all members irrespective of gender, sexuality, origin. We are on the threshold of major changes if we remember the direction science is heading to.

  30. November 20, 2008 6:58 pm

    Incidentally, over the lunch table today, my collegues were discussing about how it is in India… do they dress in flamboyant colors like pink etc? I said, I never felt pink was distinctively termed as a female color in India, but we dont (even women) wear bright pink clothes as they do here to potray feminity!
    I was ignorant of these issues last year honestly speaking!….I used to think gay means joy before coming here to UK…nice post for me to know Nita

    Also, regarding difference in parenting, I guess if at all they would be any effect on children – its partially genes if not , then its psychological effects [which could be avoidable]

  31. November 20, 2008 7:08 pm

    @ Rolling : Bhutan thing. He he he. Yeah I have seen many penises on Bhutanese homes and vehicles etc. It seems when I was in Tibet they do consider such symbolism as important as well. In any case Bhutanese seem to think of the male reproductive organ as a symbol of fertility. Anyway coming back to our original discussion here.

    1) There should be no need to molly-cuddle anyone, all I am saying is the people on the ‘demand’ end should definitely consider adoption as an option.

    2) As for the end of organised world that is my own personal opinion. As long as it exists I am happy to play along but would I disrupt if I could. Sure yes. Anarchy does not equal chaos. It merely means the end of the state. Something that I believe is constraining our freedom unnecessarily and even in the areas where there is no role of the state for example this particular instance.

    3) About bringing children in this world. I am not sure we need more kids considering we are at 6 billion already. If gays can do without kids (in my opinion homosexuality is nature’s way of controlling the population) its good. If they can not they should be able to adopt or use surrogacy whatever. However personally speaking in my own case, I am happy without children because I prefer an independent lifestyle. Sometimes I wish I had a cat but I am too lazy even for that, heck I am even too lazy for a bowl of goldfish.

  32. November 20, 2008 7:25 pm

    It is (I believe) primitive society that tries to regulate a person’s private, sexual activities.
    Most of you here have clearly voted sympathy and empathy for the gay cause, and just as well.
    How many of you will say the same about bestiality?
    Will you say that it should not be illegal to have sex with animals? Yes, for all you may say it is sick or perverted (incidentally, the same things people still say about gay sex), would you allow it or not?
    I would say, hell, yes, let them screw whatever moves if they do it in their private property and they don’t do it to my cow or camel!
    In short, sexual preferences are a private matter. I believe homosexuality is not genetic, and that gay parents should be as good parents as any other.

  33. November 20, 2008 7:29 pm

    Just today I was telling the story of Dostana to one of my colleagues who is from a conservative family. One of those small town girls who at 25 dont have least bit of sex education as they have led a “sheltered” life. So she comments “But we dont have those sort of things in India then why Karan has made such a movie?”
    😀 I know many others like her who think “it doesnt happen in India” as if it were some sort of fruit!
    So now one can easily guess what will be the response in India to a gay couple having and bringing up a child!!!

    As for the difference I totally agree with Shefaly’s comment. One has to think from the child’s side too! Moreover, I think once the child starts going to school and sees other parents and kids, there can be serious problems.

  34. November 20, 2008 7:40 pm

    @Odzer: “in my opinion homosexuality is nature’s way of controlling the population” 🙂
    yes, could be! Isn’t there a similar biological check-like thing among rodents too? Had read somewhere that rats go drown themselves, at certain points in their life cycle – have forgotten if that’s a population control thing or bec of disease..

    As for parenting stereo types, the male-female role idea is redundant, or wd be soon and we’d better get adjusted to the idea and train our children to expect that too, thru literature etc (fiction etc.I mean).

    A biological woman necessarily, always, doesn’t represent the softer-gentler-giving half of parenting. I see lots of unfeeling-selfish-cruel mums around!

    And a male isnt always the tough-protector-provider either. Lots of single parents do beautifully with their kids and it’s a joy being with such families. If people are delightful to be with, they are growing in the right direction I wd think.

    In the pop-explosion context, adoption is always sensible, not hvng kids even better, yet…for those tht want to, there shd be good options…

  35. November 20, 2008 7:48 pm

    @Rambodoc, let them screw who or what moves, yes, but bestiality involves more than a matter of human choice. The other half isn’t human and can’t voice it’s opinion just as a child can’t. If the little cow undertsands what it can expect and knowing that, consents – well, who is the govt or you or I to deter the happy couple! 🙂

  36. November 20, 2008 7:57 pm

    @ Reema, no – children can be trained to accept or be anything YOU as parent will. Just like you bathroom train, you can train them to see someone as a Gay parent and they would do so. Of course they wd ask why and hw its diff, that is where ur parenting starts, thats where ur role as adult begin and his training and education.

    They accept divorce, extra-marital relations of their parents, sexual mores of a parent, unusual profession of their parents – in short whatever u nicely train them to be. You as parent or teacher have extraordinary power over their psyche.

    Whn we forget tht, we r in trouble or whn we forget to discipline ourselves to do this responsibly, is when we fail them 🙂

  37. Vinod permalink
    November 20, 2008 9:27 pm


    I am not very sure that a human being’s life can be compartmentalized so rigidly. If your neighbour engaged in bestiality in his/her privacy, would you be comfortable leaving your 5-6 yr old son or daughter or any other child close to you at his/her place for a few hours? I’m not positing a rational argument but an emotional one to look within ourselves. All that I’d like to say is that I would be cautious about giving a nod to that.
    Furthermore I don’t think animals can consent to inter-species sex in any meaningful way notwithstanding that they can be trained to perform the act. It may be an abuse of the animal just to placate some vile desires in some human beings. But the abuse of the animal argument may not mean much when we are fully comfortable with slaughtering and eating them.

    There is one more argument left. I don’t think science treats bestiality other than some form of pathology. I don’t think people engaging in bestiality are known to exhibit stable emotional/psychological states. Do they? Has there been similar studies of those engaging in bestiality as there have been of homosexuals? I could be wrong and I’d appreciate any insights you may have to offer.

  38. November 20, 2008 9:44 pm

    I’m curious to know why the non-Indians who “rent” wombs in India do not do so in their own country. Are there any moral arguments against such surrogacy? I’m not aware of any. Can somebody educate me?

    Vinod, from what little I know, the laws in the US around it are quite restrictive when compared to India (surrogate mom has rights and if she wants the baby back, there is a window during which she can “renege” on the agreement). The other factor is cost.

  39. gauri permalink
    November 20, 2008 10:25 pm


    I’ve been reading your pieces for a while now; this is the first time I’m commenting.

    Gay couples could be wonderful/bad parents, just as straight couples could be. That has more to do with the parenting philosophy rather than homo/hetero factor. Agreed that all the reasons you mentioned (kids turning gay/confused identity etc.) are misconceptions. I don’t foresee any huge problems if the child is the same sex as parents (I could be entirely wrong here).

    But consider the case where the child is the opposite sex from that of the parents. The emotional – and even some rational parts of the male and female brains work differently. Conservative as I might sound, I do find it essential for a child to be around an adult of the same sex s/he can emulate. Maybe not necessarily just ’emulate’, but have them know that the the child is not wrong or alien in thinking or feeling what s/he does – especially during adolescence.

    Yes, there are boys without fathers and girls without mothers who have grown up to be fine adults. But in most cases, they have had other adults in the close family. Gay couples often tend to restrict themselves to big occasions as opposed to everyday dealings when it comes to interactions with the larger family. So yes, that’s once aspect that remains to be explored.

    I do think homosexuality is inborn. But there are environmental factors that affect/enhance it as well. “The Naked Ape” by Desmond Morris throws good light on some basic aspects of human behavior. I have 3 very good friends who are gay, and interestingly, none of them are fond of their father, right since early childhood. They say the way their dad treated the mother (and them) did play a role in their identity. I don’t know how conclusive that is, but if you manage to gather enough info on genetic Vs. environmental factors, I’d love to read what you have to say.


  40. November 21, 2008 2:42 am

    Vinod and Rolling:
    The question of consent is applicable only to humans. Animals do not give consent: you would have to turn the world vegan for that to happen. As such, I don’t even see how animals can be conferred rights, but that is another story.
    It is quite possible that people who apply sindoor to animals are pervs, but I am not aware of any evidence (as this is not an area of special interest for me). Whatever. Even if they are pervs, it doesn’t change the basic primacy of rights here. Ironically, the exact same arguments are still made about gays. Would you like your 4 or 6 year old to be near a gay or someone who shags cattle in his backyard? I don’t know. But I do know that gays and people with non-straight sexual preferences are entitled to their choices.

  41. November 21, 2008 3:14 am

    A very interesting topic, Nita. Thank you! I only know the children of one gay couple. A boy and and a girl. Both of them are heterosexual and also very good kids. So, I can’t speak much from personal experience, but I was intrigued by the evidence you mentioned that gays allow their children greater self-expression than many straight parents. In my view, that is most admirable.

    You see, I think we humans have put ourselves in cages for too long. We have often failed to realize our potential because we have so often encouraged mindless conformity and submission to custom and authority over the realization of our potential in a socially responsible manner. So I applaud any parents — gay or straight — that encourage (or even just allow) their kids to express themselves.

    Yet I also notice from your post that this abominable prejudice against gays is nearly everywhere. What’s with that? Why is it so widespread — and especially why in India? Is prejudice against gays an ancient thing in India, or just something that either developed or was imported rather more recently?

    Last, I would like to return to this topic of freedom. It seems to me that every irrational limit or restriction we impose on anyone of us — very much including gays — is an irrational limit or restriction that someday might be imposed on everyone. The government that has the right to say “no” to gay couples, is that much closer to becoming a government that assumes the right to say “no” to couples who do not have the “proper” ethnic background, who do not come from the “right” social class, or who — given modern genetics — don’t have the “right” genes. So, I believe we must fight for gay rights as if they were our own rights.

  42. November 21, 2008 3:33 am

    @ Gauri: I have read of US studies that strongly suggest there are no significant differences between children raised by gays and those raised by straights. It seems to me quite possible that any worries about that unfounded.

  43. November 21, 2008 4:00 am


    “Would you like your 4 or 6 year old to be near a gay or someone who shags cattle in his backyard?”

    And why not? Frankly, if I have a 4 year old girl, I would be more worried about leaving her with a straight man than with a gay one!

    However specific to your (very disappointing but not surprising) comment, such prejudicial scaremongering about untrustworthy adults is not just limited to smearing gay people, but also for people who are not married or do not have children, but happen to be very good with kids. It is no surprise that we have a society where nobody trusts anybody.

  44. November 21, 2008 4:04 am

    @ Kris Bass: I was wonder where you’ve been. Exams, eh? Are you seriously proposing the utterly absurd notion that mere exams should be regarded as somehow more important than blogging? 😀

    Also, I entirely agree with you that you have the potential to be as good as any heterosexual at parenting. I don’t think your orientation prevents anything. I know a gay couple who have raised two kids — a boy and a girl — and both kids are good, happy people.

  45. November 21, 2008 4:05 am


    I apologise unreservedly. I read comments from other people I do not know after I had read yours and reacted to yours. I see that question was raised by someone else (Vinod) and not by you, the confusion having been caused by your non-use of quotation marks. I apologise. Sincerely.

  46. kelvin permalink
    November 21, 2008 6:27 am

    I guess women find it more easier to accept gay people but straight men are always suspicious of gay guys, you can;t be sure when you can be their next target for “conversion”. so i keep arms length distance from gay guys. Once in a while i do see some gay in New Jersey trains standing in a corner and looking at me from top to bottom, and sometimes they come near you and give a forward thrust to their shoulders (like u know, the way women do) and ask “what’s the time now” and that’s it. i reach my endurance limits then and there itself, and i have to walk away

    so, though my comments are not completely unbiased here, but i might never want to know if they can be equally capable of loving their kids. maybe they are, maybe they are not, but i do not want to know.

  47. vinod permalink
    November 21, 2008 6:33 am


    Thanks. That helped.


    The point on consent is well made by you and taken. I knew it was a weak one when I made that. The weakness of the emotional argument was also acknowledged readily in the first post. You’re right that similar arguments are made against gays. But there are enough studies about gays to dismiss all that. The argument of unnaturality should atleast raise a sense of caution in us to research the matter. As I said, unless those engaged in bestiality are also studied by behavioural scientists and psychologists and proven to be normal, I wouldn’t be comfortable about them.

  48. November 21, 2008 8:18 am

    I was wondering what it was that I wrote that offended you….
    Okay, that’s all right!

  49. November 21, 2008 8:18 am

    Have you flagged me for moderation?

    No no. For some odd reason many comments went into moderation last night, including Paul’s! I don’t know why. Maybe its because wp are up to something, my admn site has become slow. – Nita.

  50. November 21, 2008 8:35 am

    Shefaly, thanks. With so many different opinions on this role model thing, I am a little unsure what to go on. My own feeling tells me that even if a role model of the opposite sex is required, the children can always find one in society. This is what parents of single people do anyway and they manage. Not everyone does, but a gay couple would have a huge advantage over a single mom or dad…they are two people in a loving relationship which is in itself can show the kid something. Also I am with you about the children not being so aware thing, but I maybe wrong. I am thinking of myself and exactly like you said, when I was in the adolescent period, it was my sexuality that I was adjusting to, and was least interested (or took for granted) the sexuality of my parents. But maybe kids today are different or maybe I didn’t think of it because there was nothing unusual to draw my attention to their relationship.

    Vinod, sorry I could not reply to your comment earlier, but last evening was very hectic for me. But yes there are moral arguments against surrogacy and the major one is the rights of the mother who is bearing the child. Often these mothers change their minds and then it becomes a moral dilemma. If you read the link given at the bottom of my post about surrogacy in India you will get a better picture. Even though in India a poor mother is unlikely to change her mind, her very poverty could present a moral dilemma. Also there is another moral dilemma, when there are so many kids to be adopted, why go through the process of surrogacy? But this is can be a weak argument for someone who believes in the rights of every individual to have a biological child if he/she wants. Also there are other factors, like whether it is morally right to “sell” babies, or “rent” wombs, and whether women are being used as “wombs,” not as people and so on. This is why developed countries have laws against commercial surrogacy and the reason why foreigners are flocking to India, not just gays.

  51. November 21, 2008 9:26 am

    Thanks Francina, as you said it is all about the mentality of the person. I think people in the developed west find it easier to accept gay people because they know a few. In India we have to draw our conclusions from reading because gays in India don’t openly come out. It’s rare, so even if there is a gay person in my extended family, there is no way of me knowing it. I have no good friends who are gay either. I do have a gay acquaintance, and now I know some gay bloggers, but overall the average Indian has no exposure to gay people and that is what increases their prejudice. I myself was biased some years ago and it was only through reading that I managed to shed my prejudices.

    Kris, thanks for taking the time from your schedule to comment here . I know what exams are like! And I hope that one day you will be a father and there is no reason to doubt your competency as one, not because of the gay-ness.

    Rolling, Sweden would come under Netherlands I think. And it’s interesting to hear what you say about role models. Gives me a lot of food for thought.

    Sahaja, now that you brought up the question about colour, in India women do wear particular colours with regards to men and it is starkly evident in the rural areas. You can read about it here. And about the effects on children, at present at least there is no evidence to show that children of gays suffer from any damaging psychological effects.

    rambodoc, where bestiality is concerned, yes I do think of it as a perversion because as someone said there is no consent involved. 🙂 It’s not a question of whether one should take consent or not, but sex is something that should be reciprocal for it to be decent. Perhaps you might think it is not logical but I cannot compare it to homosexuality and there is another reason for it. It is because I think homosexuality has a genetic component, which i do not believe bestiality has.

    Reema, loved your comment! Fruit huh! 🙂 And I think the level of sex education in our country as a whole is abysmal.

    Gauri, thanks for your comment and welcome to my blog. I think the arguments you put forward are valid and gay couples should take into account these factors and could perhaps go out of their way to provide the necessary role models even as single parents do, specially as it won’t do any harm for the kid to know more (older) people of his own sex if he is not the same sex as his parents. And I agree, I think some sort of genetic component is there in homosexuality.

    Paul, even I thought that gays allowing their kids freedom of expression was a wonderful thing. However hard we try, we tend to make mistakes in our own parenting. I think we are conditioned so much to think of activities as being female and male that we unconsciously behave that way and I have found myself doing it with my own girls. And also, when I found them doing some “feminine” things, I confess I was secretly happy! Strange na! I have no boys so I don’t know how I would have brought them up. And about prejudice against gays, this happened after British rule, because homosexuality existed in India in ancient times but homosexuals were accepted and not stigmatized. After British rule, the laws were put in place to make homosexuality an offense and in fact we Indians are clinging on to the Victorian attitudes to sex as a whole, not just homosexuality, while Britain has moved on.

    Kelvin, that is interesting, what you say about gays that look men up and down. I guess not all gays do that, just as not all men look women up and down in that rude manner. I mean, how is a woman to react when a man looks her up and down? Women don’t like it at all, but they still like men, although not those type of men.

  52. Vinod permalink
    November 21, 2008 9:59 am

    Nita, thanks for the elucidation about the morality of surrogacy. I’ve learnt something today.

  53. 1bignothing permalink
    November 21, 2008 11:05 am

    There is no problem with 2 people of the same sex having kids.As someone pointed out, they normally have it out of choice,so the odds of them taking greater care of their kids are good.There is this presumption that straight couples make perfect parents.We allow drunkards,jobless people,wife beaters and all sorts of people to become parents,then why single out this particular group.

    Rambodoc :
    Read Peter Singers views on bestiality.It is an interesting argument against normally held beliefs.

    On a lighter note on gay marriage:

    Gays have every right to be as miserable as everybody else.

    Your reference to Peter Singer interested me and I looked it up. For those curious about it, I am giving a link here to the wiki which explains his views on animal liberation. As he suggests veganism as a way out of any moral dilemma presented (hurting animals). – Nita.

  54. Vinod permalink
    November 21, 2008 11:32 am

    ibignothing, your reference to Peter Singers article was excellent. I read it and found it illuminating. I’m still digesting the facts in it. Thanks for the reference.

  55. November 21, 2008 11:53 am

    Thank you for your response, Nita! It has long fascinated me how both India and America are still struggling to get beyond Victorian morality. I get the impression from reading your blog that American has done a bit more in freeing itself from those bonds, but living here, I know the “Culture War” going on in my country has much to do with Victorian morality and whether we will shed it or not.

  56. November 21, 2008 11:57 am

    @ R-Doc: Thank you. That is nice of you. Really 🙂

    @ Nita: I think the role model thing is overplayed. As you know, I am, for all intents and purposes, my father’s daughter due to my mother’s very early death. But that does not mean that I am like a man in any respect. Except if some were to call assertiveness and non-meekness male characteristics 🙂

    From observing very closely a few children (of my friends) for the last 10 years, it is evident to me that at an age when kids go to school (5 or 6 years), the dominant influence on their behaviour, language and even consumption preferences are peers, and not parents, notwithstanding what parents like to believe. Values do remain parents’ job to enforce and reinforce, but the rest is well out of their control by then.

    I have no gay friends with children but I have plenty of friends who are single parents. The children are delightful without exception. In most cases, the parent had help from an extended family or from sending the child to a top-tier boarding school. I also worked closely with Big Brothers and Sisters UK which helps children of single parent families by matching them with adult mentors. It is safe to say that the lack of social support is far greater a challenge to parenting than anything else.

    Which comes back to my point that adults need to learn to trust other adults a bit more. Children, I believe, have sharp instincts but as you rightly say, they perceive love and unity easily just as they perceive conflict and tension.

    Shefaly, I understand what you mean perfectly because me too same! 🙂 Even though my mom was around, I am my father’s daughter in every sense and have been strongly influenced by him. And in fact I never liked the girly things like make-up etc. and even now enjoy driving, and have done many “male” activities like arguing 🙂 , taking the car to the garage, playing with cars and even today do not enjoy dressing up etc, which are considered the feminine things. But as you said anyone meeting me will think I am very feminine even though I don’t like jewellery or make-up. I think this has happened because there was no extreme influence involved, my father never tried to make me a “boy” (In any case I have a brother) but simply was such an admirable role model that I wanted to be like him.
    It’s very interesting to hear what you had to say about single parents. I don’t know any single parents well.
    Also, I have no idea why your comment went into moderation. I am wondering whether it is the @ sign because when Paul used that sign his comment went into moderation. Let me check with a few comments because I have not put the @ sign in my moderation filter. – Nita.
    – Nita.

  57. November 21, 2008 12:03 pm

    By the way, Jane Goodall, in one of her books, describes an episode of interspecies mating between a male chimpanzee and a female monkey that was apparently cooperative and unforced. Of course, an interspecies mating with a human participant is called bestiality. I don’t know what to make of Goodall’s report, which I’m sure is accurate. However, it might highlight a need for us to recognize that other animals, such as chimps and monkeys, can make choices and give consent. That their behavior is not limited to mindless instinct. And therefore perhaps we should not be shooting them.

  58. November 21, 2008 12:22 pm

    @ Nita:
    Thanks for writing about this. As usual, I am late, damn!


    @ Paul:
    Criminalization of homosexuality by law and its unacceptability in Indian society is an imported mindset.
    Ancient India (prior to Mughal invasions) was quite liberal, if 10-12 CE Khajuraho is any example. There are hundreds of sculptures depicting homosexuality, bisexuality and even bestiality. Kamasutra has chapters for MF, FF, MM, MMF, MFF and bestiality sex.

    @ Odzer:
    Penis as a symbol of fertility was worshipped by the Incas too. They have a penis temple about which I blogged in Peru series.

    @ Rambodoc:
    You are right, take Khajuraho for example.

    @ transmission of gay genes:
    Most Indian homosexuals are, unfortunately, married to the opposite sex. They all make babies. Had the transmission myth been true, think of the consequences 🙂

    @ adoption / surrogacy:

    I have heard this argument over and over – people who cant have children (particularly homosexuals) should adopt. But why should we? The right to have a biological child is not restricted to heterosexual people alone. Rather, a heterosexual marriage is not the mandate for having my own child. In so many cases, esp heterosexual Indian marriages, children are made out of societal pressure or because the man wants them. In other cases, children are produced and then neglected by their parents. I feel bad for the woman. Making biological babies is not a sacred act, it is a commodity – we have billions. So rather than using my own wife to have a child, some other consenting woman is helping me.

    @ Nita: I would love to hear your reservations about surrogacy. Are you opposed to the concept or the actual process? Is adoption really an alternative to surrogacy (biological child)? Nope, there is a HUGE difference.

    @ gay parents:
    I think homosexuals have to fight a lot to get what seems to come very naturally to heterosexuals – their identity. It is even more challenging in non-western countries. People who have to fight to reach where they are, cannot be bad parents IMHO.

    @ Kris Bass:
    Ditto, and good to know you 🙂

    @ Nita / sex education:
    I am skeptical if it will make any real impact rightaway. Maybe after a generation. In the west, calling someone or something as ‘gay’ is a habit that starts right from school. Sex education in schools is important, no doubt. It will help others understand homosexuality, among other things.

    @ Kelvin:
    Some homosexual men are aggressive, just as straight men (ask your female friends.) Statistically, 10% men are gay, how many of them ‘looked’ at you? One guy in a month? Think before forming opinions (better, take it as a compliment). Somehow when a man makes a pass at a woman, it is considered natural, but when the same man gets a glance from another man, it becomes sinful.

    @ Shefaly:
    That was funny. You may know that gaydar is very cultural and has geographical limitations 🙂 It also takes months to recalibrate your gaydar to a new setting.

    @ Nita:
    Precisely. 377 makes any sex against the order of nature (ahem..) criminal, and it applies to heterosexual people too.

    Thanks for listening Nita, probably the longest comment I ever wrote anywhere 😀


    Thanks Priyank. About your question about why I have a problem with surrogacy, my argument is not against surrogacy as a concept, but in its implementation. A lot of poor women in India are being used as surrogates, women who are renting wombs because of sheer desperation and I have written about it here. – Nita.

  59. November 21, 2008 12:25 pm

    Yo! I got moderated 😦 There were no links, but probably it was the length 🙂

    Priyank, I don’t know why so many comments are going into moderation. Please bear with me until I get to the bottom of it. – Nita.

  60. November 21, 2008 1:27 pm

    – Nita:
    Got it! I am worried about the implementation too. Thanks for the link to another beautiful post. (and fixing the formatting too!)

  61. November 21, 2008 4:23 pm

    Yes NITA, now we all have gay friends and so, they can marry and have now all the rights which is fantastic. But they had to face with discrimination and so for many years…in the time of Franco they were going to jail , accused of “inverted people” , perverts…
    All needs time, and in India this day will arrive also.

    thanxs and have a nice day!!!

  62. November 21, 2008 9:07 pm

    I believe Gay parents can be as much good parents as heterosexual ones, if not better! Parenting is in the way the child is brought up. If Gay parents is an issue then don’t you think a Single parent is also an issue, in a similar way?

  63. November 21, 2008 10:12 pm


    My gaydar is tuned to outer space, I think. I can never tell and I am glad I can’t. After all I spend much time railing against those, who claim to ‘know’ people just by visual inspection, don’t I? 🙂

  64. November 21, 2008 11:51 pm

    its a matter of grave concern……i feel that no matter if the parents are gay or hetrosexual what ultimately matters is the child is loved by them and it might be possible that the gay parents turn out better than their counterparts . but nita i feel your thoughts are really valid because if homosexuality is legalized in our country the discrimination faced by the children of gay parents would be really unbearable and add to the woes

  65. November 22, 2008 12:56 am

    To add to what Paul mentioned, bonobos are known to indulge in different kinds of sexual pairings – MM, MF, FF.

  66. November 22, 2008 1:21 am

    intresting post nita

  67. gauri permalink
    November 22, 2008 2:58 am

    @Paul: You could well be right; what I said was more of an opinion/conjecture rather than information. But I do want to iterate, the point isn’t about gay parents being capable of raising a child, neither is it about how the child “will turn out”. In the end, almost everybody turns out fine, regardless of who brings them up, since books, education, media, friends, past experiences and n other environmental factors play a role in shaping an individual character.

    All I want to say is one cannot discount addressing what goes on in the mind of the child in question. Consider a family of gay dads, two sons and one daughter – or for that matter lesbian moms, two daughters and one son. Yes, no doubt the ‘odd one out’ (for reference) will be a fine adult – but will the rest of the familybe able to see things from his/her point of view, much as they do want to empathize? Will the rest even understand that his/her approach to problem-solving and thinking in general could be completely different from their own, yet very valid? And I’m talking beyond dressing up, playing with dolls/guns, and other overt stereotypical, things.

    Like Nita said, one just needs to take that into account, that’s all.


  68. November 23, 2008 9:10 pm

    Believe me, India has to go a reallly looong way before such relationships are accepted. We still burn away girls when they go to meet boys on Diwali. So I can’t think about something like an acceptable gay relationship for atleast another 500 years.

  69. November 23, 2008 11:04 pm

    it was very nice article&it is very hot topic.if we think according to religion then it is big sin ,but science has other ideas,become gay is only matter of internal feelings you are attaract to same sex or opposite .It not a matter gay couple will not be a good parent because their behaviour is not different from general couples

  70. November 25, 2008 7:36 am

    Gauri: Thank you for the clarification! 🙂

  71. November 25, 2008 8:17 am

    Priyank: Thank you so much for the information! It’s interesting to reflect how “liberal” and “modern” a some of the ancient traditions were.

  72. November 25, 2008 9:32 am

    Your post is insightful, Nita. However; I am not sure if one can have both gay parents and heterosexual parents at the same time under normal circumstances. My assumption is that if ones parents are gay, then they can be ruled out as heterosexual and vice versa.If what I said is true, then how can we know the difference as our perspectives may be influenced by what we may have experienced.
    I am not sure if it is possible to appreciate the shade under the tree if we have not experienced toiling under the sun ?

  73. pss4005seh permalink
    November 25, 2008 10:57 am

    Everything is possible in India because of its diverse nature and different communities..and money is also a bigger factor( in ‘surrogate Indian mother’..)

  74. November 25, 2008 8:10 pm

    Nice post!
    I count bestiality as one of the perversions, like pedophilia and the lot. It is not a preference of the sane mind.
    But I feel sex has a ‘psychic’ aspect too in humans, not just biological hardwiring for perpetuation of the species. And of course there is an emotional aspect. The complex psychic or mental aspects of sex may be responsible for gender identity of the self and the sexual orientation of the individual.
    The state of sex education and awareness of many aspects of sex are dismal even in medical students- ‘homosexuality is a sin’ type of thinking is common. Legal acceptance of homosexual parenthood is going to take a L-O-N-G time in India.

  75. November 29, 2008 2:05 am

    Hi Nita,

    Very interesting blog. If I may, can I put up a link to this article, on my own blog? With due credits of course… I think I might know a lot of people who would be interested in this article. Let me know. Thanks.

    Ofcourse you can! I mean, giving a link is something that is good for any blog. I presume you will giving an excerpt from this post too and 6-7 lines is okay. – Nita

  76. emma permalink
    January 13, 2009 9:41 pm

    i think gay or lesbien couples have the same right to have children as we do. thay can adopt but why should they ? there is ways for them to have there own children well there is for lesbians anyway! and i dont think we should look at them as parents any differently then you would if it was a man and lady! our world can be cruel and it needs to change gay or straight or lesbien or bisexual it doesnt matter were all still human beings and some people may not aggree with the way they are we cant judge them on parenthood.

  77. February 13, 2009 1:04 am

    Surprised I didn’t comment on this earlier.

    What is the difference between gay parents and heterosexual parents?- Aside from the parents’ sex, none.

    Their children will be confused about their gender role and sexual identity.- Just about any child goes through this.

    The children will themselves become lesbian or gay.- Maybe yes, maybe no. I’m friends with a brother and sister, both of whom are gay, whose parents and sisters are heterosexual.

    The children will have a tough time socially and have adjustment problems which could lead to behavioral difficulties.- This can happen with any child.

    And in response to Emma’s “they can adopt but why should they?” Not everyone feels the need to be biologically involved with a birth. To give the thousands of orphans world-wide, like myself, a chance at life.

    There are always going to be lousy parents, such as my aunt and uncle if they had kids. There’s also the argument that gay couples won’t provide a stable life. My cousin and his husband have been together over 30 years, which is longer than a lot of heterosexual couples last. I recently posted a video that’s being used to fight Proposition 8 and the possible forced divorces in California.

  78. Richie permalink
    November 14, 2011 2:07 am

    Sorry but gay parenting is so very wrong! I am an agnostic, and it has nothing to do with religion my beliefs. I believe in gay rights, as far as gay marriage and equal rights in everything else, but when it comes to gay parenting it is simply morally VERY WRONG! My best friend is a gay man, and even he believes that it would be wrong for him and his boyfriend to raise a child! I am very liberal on 99% of issues, but anybody who would say that gays can raise a child equally or better than (give me a break) than heterosexuals are very misguided. I don’t care what studies say, you cannot get in the minds of the children raised that way. Obviously there are bad heterosexual parents out there, but for a normal, loving, heterosexual family….that is the way things are supposed to be! And I was raised by a single mom, who is the greatest mother on the planet, just in case you are questioning my motives. I do feel for gay people, but to raise a child in the best way possible you need both a male parent and a female parent, you need the balance, two of either is unnatural, and I think will cause mental/emotional damage to children raised in that environment.


  1. Is Homophobia an Alien Legacy of the Victorians? « Man of Roma

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